A Brief Dementia
He was walking on the streets of the city, in a place he was quite familiar with. People usually come over there to chill after a long week of work. as a matter of fact, people actually come to that place every night to watch football and listen to different kinds of music. But he didn’t know why he was there this time, there were no football matches on TV to watch, no friends with him and he was alone.
The voices of people ascending from their tables came to him as only noises. In fact, he never liked being in crowded places. But somehow he was deaf to them and couldn’t hear a single one of them. The voices inside his head were clamoring. And the incidents flashing themselves reminiscing the near past are taking him captive in their own dimensions. He was just walking on the pavements, strutting his feet on the cobblestones and every once in while, stomping his heels on the concrete curb.
On the other side of the pavement, there was a river flowing. The poets and storytellers have glorified the river. They were considering its essence as the muse for their blockbuster novels and mindblowing epiphoras which some of them had the audacity to call them rhapsodies. This guy didn’t know why his feet brought him there again. He wasn’t there to get inspired to write a novel. not even searching for the epiphany to write a so-called rhapsody. So he decided to sit on a bench and watch the river flow until he grasps a bit of sense into his mind again.
On the other side of the river, there was a hill and people built their houses on them. When one looks at them for the first time, he will say that these houses will certainly collapse, because the mindblowing architecture always deceived the sights of the newcomers. Surprisingly, the exhilarating view didn’t satisfy him this time. He saw a mosque, and in a fleeting moment, he remembered. “Now I know why I’m here,” he said, “I’m mad at God!”
“Yes! I’m mad at him” he said, “He deceived me and did not fulfill his promise, manipulated me to do what he wants and the moment I asked him something he turned into deep silence as if he wasn’t even there!” He looked at the sky took a deep breath and shouted ” I believed in you! why are you doing this to me? why are you promising something you can’t fulfill? tell me why did you leave me on the hanger like this? aren’t you the one who said Call me and I will certainly reply? where the Hell is your reply?” “My heat is scorching into ashes, I prayed and called you for months! and you didn’t even bother to do me one good thing!”
Despite all his bluff, he was afraid. He was terrified of something might happen to him, as what he was saying were utter blasphemies. He started to run away from that place in terror. Ran as fast as he could across the streets of the city he once considered the only place he could live in. But now, even the mesmerizing roads and the tall trees shading over him along the way felt like a cubicle. And he was suffocating under stratum of sorrow. He kept on running and running, bumping into people and not apologizing. Until one of them stopped him, and out of nowhere, a punch landed on his face. He fell on the ground and started to feel his skin warm as he saw drops of blood on the stones, he ceased to move… he was out cold.
Slowly, he opened his eyes not knowing where he was “what happened?” he muttered. As a sharp ache rose from his head he remembered the punch. Then he touched the place of the pain, he felt a plaster on it. Apparently, someone had taken care of him. He looked around the place he was in, a room with salient white walls and a dazzling chandelier illuminating the surrounding. “Well, this is not what I expected! It’s always dark rooms and spotlights when you wake up in an unknown place” he thought as he was scanning the surroundings.
Suddenly, the door creaked and someone came in. “Oh you’re alive!” it was a man in his mid-fifties. He had a pair of swollen eyes, a wrinkled forehead, and a hooked nose. The last hairs of youth were desperately clinging to his half bald head. Handsome was the last thing you can say about him. “He was a tall shredded guy!” the man said “you’re lucky that you didn’t lose a tooth or break a bone. Apparently, God loves you, young man” “That was going to be the best thing he had ever done to me” the young man replied. For a second, the old man blankly looked at him, then he asked: “And why so young man?”
The boy started remembering his grief, he said with his voice holding a tone of anger. “Didn’t he say call me and I will reply to you? I have been calling him for months, and I’m still waiting to get a reply” His eyes became wet, shimmering in tears. It was obvious that he was holding up his cry. The old man came close to him and firmly sat on the sofa next to him. “And the reason is?” the old man asked, instead of replying the young boy chose silence. But the old man’s curiosity was bigger than the boy’s reticence. Then the boy replied with one word…”Love”
God left me!
-young man, what’s your name?
-Well, Andres, let me tell you a little story, for this can help you a bit.
-Sir, at this point, I’m willing to listen to anything that somehow soothes my ache.
-Then listen to me carefully.
Andres nodded to the old man as a sign of awareness and that he was listening.
– When I was in my twenties, I loved this girl from my school. She was the greatest thing God has ever created. I loved her like no one ever loved before. She had an angel like face, a couple of lipid eyes and her ample cheeks. I always wanted to hug her tight and caress those dimples with my lips. I wasn’t handsome at all. So I kept on praying and praying to God that I can somehow manage to win her heart. I was doing good to other people, always saying the truth. Basically, I was trying to allude God. But son, God doesn’t work that way.
– Well, you can say I didn’t see an outcome to my prayers. And it turned out that I was just playing myself around. She left me with a heartbreak. The last thing I ever heard from her was “Goodbye, I’m sure we’ll meet again. And hopefully that time, everything will be fine”. the moment she left, I started rebelling against everything I believed in. I hated God, and I accused him of lying to me. Hatred towards him blinded me so much that I ignored all the blessings I have experienced through our my youth. Son, you have to learn that God always does what he wants, for he knows the best.
-But does he know my happiness? I think not? he wants his fucking system to go no matter what! and I simply can’t obey a selfish deity like him! so maybe I’m going to find another lord or announce my self as the only one who decides my fate!
-let me tell you something young Andres. The words you’re uttering now are merely out of anger, therefore, I won’t consider them your own.
At that moment a brief silence with sparks of tension filled the air. Andres’ misfortune killed all the hopes inside him. His lack of such experience made him excessively fragile. It broke his spirit and chased the sense out of his head. But the old man had something to tell him, he did not want to see a young man like him to look so insanely desperate. He looked at him, and his mess of a wavy hair, his swollen eyes and the stains of dried blood on his beige shirt made him feel pity for him. He wanted to help him out of his misery! Then he took a deep breath and slowly started to talk:
-Son, when I loved Alicia. I put everything in the world on one side and her on the other. Every single prayer of mine had her name in it. So day after day, week after week I became overly obsessed with her young man. I was doing good deeds so that God blessed my time with her. When we were on dates, I was insanely worried about that she might go and I was reassuring myself “you prayed to God, then he will accept! Dude, there are no worries. After everything you did he will surely bless you!”
-“And then BAM!! he lied to you too and Alicia is gone”. said Andres with wryly tone
-No, he didn’t. it was me. I put my hopes so much, God became Alicia, and when she left, God died inside me. Now, why am I telling you this? Because simply I don’t want God to leave you, son. what is essential for you to know, is that maybe you lose hope in God, but he never will. or maybe you cease to have faith, but he still has faith in you. Know that in this world, young man, humans actions are what defines them and God is the solace. you can’t escape from the shelter and expect no rain. You are young and giving and there is absolutely no limit to your endeavors.
he looked at Andres’ shimmering melancholic eyes and said:
It’s not your fault and I don’t blame you. But you have to turn things around son. You look like a great human and it’s a shame to see someone like you in such a state. And if you have doubts always celebrate it, for it’s the only way to reach certainty. Know that as long as you breathe, it is you whom you shall believe in and when you make peace with yourself, you will be able what your misfortune had blinded you to see. You’ll see God and this time he will never fade away. you doubt stuff
After having patience and reaching here with this long read and bearing my ravings, I would be grateful you can follow me on my blog “Skywalker” and on Instagram, you can also follow my writings on BayArt ^^
This story was first published on the writer’s personal blog.