I’m not where I thought I’d be at this time in my life. When I envisaged the future I thought I’d be doing a job which was leading to an amazing career in the arts, living in my own flat or house and maybe even married, though I was never to sure about that one. These are things I wanted and I still think of them as things which are the deciding factors of success.
Whether I like it or not I’m a competitive person and when I see some other women reaching these milestones I get anxious that I’m still not there yet. I rationalise it, they don’t have a job I’d want and I don’t find their partner attractive (kids were never something I craved and I still don’t now, though things may change in 5 or 10 years so lets take this out of the equation). I’m not envious of them as an individual, it’s more that they seem to have found what comfortable for them and they are content with their lives on the whole.
The comparison game is a dangerous one and I doing my best not do it although I sometimes find myself falling into the trap.
I think that we should start to value the small victories we have as well as the big ones. I’m not doing the job I want and I’m still living at home right now. But at least I’m able to look for my own place to rent because I have a stable income. I’m in a relationship with someone I love and crush on big time and there are opportunities coming up to get further in my aspirations. I love seeing other parts the world and I have people in my life who are able to experience it with me and I have the loveliest friends I can ask for. I have brothers who are friends as well as family and try and be there for me and parents who put a roof over my head.
I sometimes feel very unsatisfied with my situation but whilst there’s the funniest, warmest and wildest adventures with my favourite people, I have achieved what many others don’t have and that’s real bonds and love that will never be broken.