I used to interpret the saying “Marriage is not for small boys” to mean small boys in terms of age, until I visited a female mentor that has been in marriage for 47 years.

I asked, so what is the secret of your over 47 years in marriage?

Beaming, she retorted; My son, the expectations you bring into marriage will either spell its doom or success. I married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or buying cars for me, but with time, my patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude
yielded results of getting cars, houses, taking care of our children and all that.
You see, if a married lady keeps on nagging in the house, she pushes the spirit of her husband from the home. If you make the man unhappy, you make the house uncomfortable.

So, I married without high expectations from my husband but simply to make him happy always.
Yes, for the past 47 years, I would be the first to get up from bed and the last to go back to bed. I bath the kids, do devotions with them, prepare breakfast for my husband and boil hot water for him to bath. I iron his dresses he would take to work, kiss
him and wish him the best in his daily endeavours.

I asked my old woman, so then what does the man do in return? She laughed all heart and hearty and replied; You see, this is the mistake you young ones make in marriage. YOU DO SOMETHING TO YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT SAME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER, THIS IS
WRONG!

When it becomes your attitude to always please your husband or wife, the other person responds naturally. Indeed, if nothing touches the palm tree, it doesn’t rattle.
She continued, my son, never carry how rich or poor your family is into marriage. After all, you knew very well the status of your family and decided to marry that man or woman.
Love only compels would- be couples into marriage but it doesn’t sustain marriage. Rather, understanding, patience, communication and most importantly, forgiveness sustain every marriage. High expectations are the symptoms of divorce in marriages.
Sometimes you hear, I want to marry a mother, a business partner, God fearing person etc. You can’t get all your expectations in one person. With time and depending on your relationship, you may get some. So minimise your expectations in marriage.
To cut the long story short, as too much cook spoil the broth, she concluded on the mistakes couple should resist at all cost in marriage:

1) Never say you have made your wife or husband somebody from a nobody. It hurts. God only use you as an agent for transformation, give the glory to God.
2) Let the man be head financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually, whilst the woman exercise diligence in the use of the tongue.
3) Children are not the ultimate in marriage. They are given to enhance your marriage. When God delays in giving you a child, have every reason to live a happy marital life.
There has never been any automatic barrenness in a person. Abraham got Ishmael at age 86 but at age 100 and 90, they eventually got their Isaac. Isaac had a barren family for 20 years but eventually got his twins; Jacob and Esau etc.
4) Sex is a major morale booster after a hard day’s stressful life. Try to be sexual beings and not “Angels” in that marriage

5) Resort to God often and less to men to solve your marital disputes.

6) Let the women ” Make up” their characters much more than they make up their body.
Indeed, marriage is not for small boys because small boys struggle to forgive, demand everything speedily, lack the patience to wait, have so many friends etc.

Responses

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  1. Tikeetha T

    Interesting perspective and I definitely respect someone who has learned wisdom in her own marriage, but will it work for everyone? Probably not. Today’s generation is different in so many ways. I don’t believe that you should just let a man run the house financially just because he’s a man. What if he’s not good at money management? Marriage is a partnership. We were created from the rib of Adam. Not above him or below him but right by his side. Also, if you are letting the man be the head of things financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically then what about men who say that they like their women to take charge in the bedroom once in a while? Men want to feel wanted and not always have to initiate sex.

  2. judequeens Post author

    Oh yes! @Tikeeta. I was hoping for this point of view. I love your strong opinions.

    This was sent to me by a friend, and I argued some of the point as well.

    The bottoline is that every marriage cannot be viewed the way, this woman did. Especially with our exposed generation.