Knowing that your past is real means that you have to make one of two choices; you either do something proactive to help yourself heal or you can keep denying it.

There are three great tricks that our minds like to play on us.

It’s you.” Have you ever heard people laughing in public and assumed that they were laughing at you? Have you had people abruptly cut off contact with you and you instantly assumed it was because of something that you did? This is called The Spotlight Effect. It’s when you think that people are either watching you or waiting for you to mess up. The harsh truth is that strangers care very little about you so trust me when I say this: it’s really not about you. The sooner we realize this, the more liberated and confident we will feel.

Hope. Yes, in its own way, hope is one of the greatest tricks that our minds play on us. It’s a paradox where it helps us build resilience and confidence, yet it also forces us to tolerate the toxic that may be a part of our lives.

Love. There are times where we fall deeply in love with someone or something that is completely wrong and unhealthy for us. Yet, our response is usually “I can’t help who I love, that’s life.” Actually, this is false. We can totally control who we love. It just takes a really high level of comprehension and awareness to do so. It’s not easy and it takes years of practice, if not your whole life.


Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the people who have randomly cut me out of their life. I’m not going to lie — it hurts. So I went on Google and searched “how to kill yourself without it hurting.” I’m just pulling your leg there. While how things ended with these people did cut me deeply, at first, I had to let go of the thought that it was something that I said or did.

Instead, I looked at things objectively and said “Friendship withstands hardship. If they’ve abruptly cut you out of their life and you’ve tried getting in touch with them with no response, then they weren’t real friends and they aren’t worth your time, stress or energy.” It sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. ‘But people get busy, isn’t that a valid excuse?” No such thing exists. I don’t know this word, “busy.” Why? Because it seems to be people’s excuse to not do something that takes a little extra time out of their already busy day, even if it may be the truth. Remember, circumstances do not change what is right and what is wrong. If you really matter to the person, they will take ONE minute out of their day to send you a quick message. Even if it’s just a few words to explain where they are in life and what’s been happening or to see how you are.

Recently, I have gone through something similar with my personal trainer. You may be thinking “This happened with your trainer? How? You’re not really meant to keep in touch.” This is completely false. Trainers need to take their jobs seriously. This means that they have to have a really good understanding of mental health as well as physical health. On the initial session, a good trainer will ask you about your background, both mental and physical health, what you’re eating and what you hope to get out of training with them. Most of the trainers I’ve worked with except for one only do less than half of this. Mental health plays a crucial role in one’s physical health, yet most trainers don’t seem to understand this to the fullest extent.

That’s why I’ve stopped seeking out further trainers. In a way, the lack of her seriousness about her job taught me what I’m fighting for. It taught me that you can only really count on yourself and that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Virtual YouTube fitness trainers are sometimes better than in-person ones! Like “K’s Perfect Fitness TV.” She’s totally fucking badass. Watch her videos and get ready to work out like never before. Seriously, what is she, a ninja warrior? I get tired within the first three minutes!

The universe is a billion years old, folks. Maybe older. People come into our lives as either a lesson or a blessing. Don’t stress out over people who have wronged you, because guess what: you will always meet more people — and one or more of those people will eventually be “the right one for you”, whether that be a friend or love partner.

Things have been all over the place lately. One thing is for certain, though. My most recent therapist that came into my life is certainly a blessing. While my PTSD symptoms fluctuate a lot, on a personal level, I’m more inspired than ever to become the man I want to be. A better person.

I haven’t been sleeping, well, of course. Insomnia’s a bitch demon. When’s the last time I slept? Not this week, certainly.

Now take note of the fact that I just sounded like a retard for saying that. This is the first time in history that those two words have been spoken together. Bitch demon. Nice one, you pig-faced fuck nose.

YAY! I’m making people either uncomfortable or laugh by being a complete dick to myself! I’m going to gain millions (of readers)!

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  1. Jeanette

    Everyone needs someone like you in their lives! Face it, we are all extremely messed up so we fit in well together. Take a nice nap for a few days, probably not posible but you can always dream!