Transformation,  this is the purpose of energy; energy is everything and everything is energy. Especially you and me.

First there’s the catalyst. In a recent post, maybe about three weeks ago, I talk about the effect the past election has had on not only those closest to me but the world as a whole. Today I stumbled across a deeper sense of the impact during a conversation with my aunt.

Many modern societies have been built on a notion of power, false wealth and manipulation. The deeper part of it all is that it’s allowed many to neglect what’s real, aka: Avoidance. It’s gotten to the point where people have to live up to the point where people can’t handle anything real because it disturbs their surface. Any shift in depth within themselves shatters their illusions.

People, in my experience, hate that. And to be honest, I hated it too when I began to realize that much of my life and experiences was built on the notion of Avoidance. 

Avoidance theory in psychology: “If you’re avoidant, you connect with romantic partners but always maintain some mental distance and an escape route.

Other studies have found that faced with a stressful life event…avoidants’ defenses are quick to break down and they then appear and behave just like people with an anxious attachment style.”

This is in terms of a relationship, but it makes sense because the most important relationship we have in life is the relationship with ourselves. I’ll provide a link at the end where you can take a quiz to discover your attachment style. I also recommend getting the book Attached: The Science of Attachment. It helped me better understand my past self and better appreciate my journey to who I am now.

 

I’ve said it before that this moment in time, the next few years for sure, are all about transformations. From the small scale to the grandest. We as a species are beginning to undue the damages of past avoidance. Especially in terms of inner peace and mental health. Where for a long time the consensus was, “Don’t talk about that or discuss it…it’s not proper.” Or something to that effect, and that can be said of many things I’m sure.

 

A sign that transformations are indeed prevalent is seeing a butterfly. A friend of mine helped me realize this and immediately I was able to recognize the numerous butterflies I’d seen around me recently, as signs not only of my transformation but of those who I had on my mind or in my heart at the time of the sighting.

Case in point, yesterday I explained this same thing to my aunt in the car and not ten minutes after we sat down did I see a butterfly fluttering around us. How is that really a sign? We were at a drag strip in Sonoma. There’s nothing there for butterflies. It’s all dried up fields, alcohol, fuel, oil and scents that are not at all healthy for people let alone small creatures. Yet this butterfly just fluttered around me like it was the thing to do and then went on its way. “Awesome.” I thought.

 

The important thing to understand about any relationship is whether or not the person can add something into your life. As stated in the link below, “…[It’s] not about whether or not the person will like you but do they have what it takes to be a good partner for me.”

Again, we can’t truly answer this question until we ask this question of ourselves. How can I be the best person I need to be for myself? What do I need to accomplish internally? What have I been neglecting within myself and in my life that I need to address? What have I been running from? What am I avoiding?

 

Pain is something that needs to be faced head on. I spent much of my life avoiding dealing with pain and not causing others pain and said it was because I cared, which is partly true. I was afraid of the pains I hadn’t dealt with and how they might make me hurt others around me.  I suppressed them, avoided them, and put the fault on others for my not being able to express them and deal with them properly. This was the beginning of my transformation.

It’s important to note that this transformation takes years but the journey is the most important part of it. The self discovery. Patience is key, honesty is a must. The first step is just as important as any of the others. Just take a breath and trust yourself to take that step.

(Late addition in terms of any kind of procrastination or avoidance.) The more we avoid, the less we accomplish.

http://www.mindingtherapy.com/attached-adult-attachment-styles/

-Gustavo Lomas

Responses

  1. faheemjackson44

    We also avoid the truth because it gives our life meaning. It’s kind of like when people say, “I don’t always want a fix a problem.” “Sometimes I just want to talk about it.” But that logic is off. You mean to tell me that you have a problem in your life you don’t want to fix, just talk. Then this is where I get off the bus. Because now, you’re seduced with what is wrong with you. These are the people who love having their issues in life because it gives them purpose in a world where their lives mean nothing. If they fix the problem, then they are expected to be better. And if you don’t know how to be better, you’ll hold on to your negative energy like a crutch. This is why if you give people a blueprint to success, they may not only reject the blueprint, but you as well. Not because the blueprint works, but because you shared it with them. Why, well because your use of the blueprint is a constant reminder of what they could have been, so they hate you for providing them with the insightful information.

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