Yesterday I posted a video of me singing and playing the guitar on Instagram. Not particularly out of the ordinary, right? I posted it and I felt okay about my performance in it, wasn’t my best but I wanted to show that I was still trying to make progress. Then I got a notification of a comment saying “Really”. It was from a relative who I don’t recall ever meeting. I had been friends on Facebook with her out of obligation. I don’t know her so I didn’t particularly want to, if I’m honest I’m not interested in what she’s doing on a day to day basis and I don’t see why she wants to know what I’m up to either. I added her request and my news feed was then bombarded by crappy quotes, memes and endless selfies. I got sick of it so I deleted her. I felt a bit bad as she’s distant family but why do I want to what she’s had for dinner and know who she saw in town? I don’t know them either (she lives in the Caribbean).

This relative then added me on Instagram, I had forgotten that she was a follower apart from her liking the odd photo. Then I got this message on my video. “Really” what does that mean? Does that mean that she’s bowled over by my musical ability or does it mean that she’s shocked I’d upload something so dire? Why did I care what she thought and why did she even bother with such a comment? The comment left me feeling so insecure that after replying with a question mark I deleted the video. But then I thought, I’m going to upload a cover song that I really love and that makes me feel good about myself.

The truth is I shouldn’t care what some person who knows nothing about me thinks about me and my abilities. I should have the confidence to say, hey, I’m not perfect but I’m trying to improve and grow as a person. But I don’t, I’ve had a wobbly, anxious week and I was hoping posting the video would boost my confidence. I guess when you put yourself in front of people who don’t know you, there is a potential to judge you. I know that I judge people sometimes but the difference is I don’t put cryptic remarks on people’s pictures or videos. It may not be to my taste but that’s their creation, their art and it is their right to express themselves.

I have to admit, I’m much happier with this song and performance than I was the previous one, so perhaps her ambiguous remark did me a favour. But my view remains that people should put themselves in the shoes of others and think about their feelings. We need a less self involved, narrow minded world, I hope I get to see this in my lifetime.

 

Responses

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  1. thetruthaboutmentalhealth

    It’s hard but try waiting next time because the positive comments do arrive. you can ignore or delete the cryptic ones. I understand how painful judgement can be when you’re first putting yourself out there. Have faith the support you seek will arrive.

    1. artsyexplorer Post author

      I see what you mean, I think I wasn’t that happy about the performance I did in any case and that felt like the comment confirmed it. I think I would have left it up if I hadn’t gotten the comment to be fair though. Thanks for advice, I will try and not let the insecurity get to me next time.

  2. Robert Matthew Goldstein

    This is where confidence in your evolution as a creative mind beats all. You have a right to share your gifts and to make mistakes. Harsh criticism is often an expression of envy. It’s hard to know what ‘really’ really meant. Perhaps she was distracted by something and forgot to complete her thought.

    1. artsyexplorer Post author

      Appreciate your thoughts so thanks for that. I have anxiety issues and a lack of self confidence in many ways so this is why it affected me and made me feel insecure. I do agree that she could have written it and been distracted, but like I said I don’t know her I didn’t know how to gauge what she wrote. I jumped to the conclusion it was negative and I still think it was more likely to have been. I’m much happier with my performance in the new video and think it’s a lot better than the one with that comment.