Here are some hilarious funny short jokes by legendary comedians because one of the best feelings in the world is the deep-rooted belly laugh. It can bring people together and establish amazing connections. Everything from a slight giggle to a side-splitting guffaw can change the temperature of a room from chilly unfamiliarity to a warm family-like atmosphere.
“I believe that if people can get more laughter in their lives, they are a lot better off,” says Steve Wilson, MA, CSP, a psychologist and laugh therapist. “They might be healthier too.”
Here our laughter therapy:
Short & Funny Jokes from Legendary Comedians
“I don’t want any publicity – you get too many begging letters. If they’re anything like the ones I send out I don’t want to know!”
Tony Hancock (1924-1968)
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
“I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves.” – Jack Handey
“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” – Steven Wright
‘I like to play chess with bald men in the park, although it’s hard to find 32 of them.’ –Emo Phillips
“I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said ‘It’s nice to see so many bums on seats.’” – Jimmy Carr
“I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.” – Ben Bailey
‘It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
“In Seattle, they have a saying: ‘If you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.’” – Doug Benson
“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin
‘A sewage farm. In what way is it a farm? Is there a farm shop?’ –Jack Dee
“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’” – Conan O’Brien
“The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.” – Jay Leno
“I can’t wait till Sunday, I’m gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece…” – Sarah Silverman
“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.” – Larry David
‘I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink and be Mary.’ –George Carlin
‘Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, ‘Does he taste funny to you?’ -Tommy Cooper
The wife’s mother said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.’
I said: ‘Good. I’m being buried at sea.’ -Les Dawson
‘Room service? Send up a larger room.’ -Groucho Marx
‘Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.’ -Chris Rock
‘My friend keeps telling me I’m in the closet . . . I just say it’s Narnia business!’ Will Ferrell
‘A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die.’
Bill Murray
‘My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!’
Sarah Silverman
‘How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?’
Steven Wright
‘The worst two Winters of the 20th century . . . Mike and Bernie.’
Victor Borges
‘My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.’
Dave Barry
‘Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.’
Benny Hill
‘First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.’
Steve Martin
‘Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.’
Jerry Seinfeld
‘She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.’
Bob Hope
‘I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered ‘French Toast during the Renaissance’.
Peter Kay
‘Bob Geldof . . . no wonder he’s such an expert on famine, he has been dining out on I Don’t Like Mondays for thirty years.’
Russell Brand
‘Where there’s a will – there’s a relative!’
Ricky Gervais
‘A man walks into a chemist’s and says, “Can I have a bar of soap, please?” The chemist says, “Do you want it scented?” And the man says, “No, I’ll take it with me now”.’
Ronnie Barker
‘A man on the train said: “That seat is reserved.” I said: “Well, it’s been very forward with me.” Pulled up my pants and went on my way.’
Lou Sanders
“Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?”
Billy Connolly
