little habits

I woke up to the sun filtering through the curtains.’ No No No not again.’ I cursed as i hurriedly tried to get my clothes and dash out. you see, it was 6:30, one hour later than i was supposed to get up. i go out and i’m met by a helpful soul. ‘Your hair looks terrible, do you have a comb? let me help you.’ I have beautiful hair. Easy to manage. So as he slowly took it from a hot mess of bed hair to presentable morning hair i went through the events of the previous night.

It was reminiscent of campus. The late night drinking, followed by the late night over at somewhere else except your house. Then the early morning trying to get back to your house, take a shower, get a cup of coffee, sit down and beat yourself about it then promise yourself to never repeat it. But you do. It keeps happening over and over again that you eventually stop worrying about it and embrace your after party life and all the terrible decisions you make while at it.

He made sure i looked good as i left which was okay if i was not so late for an work event. Luckily it was rescheduled and i got an extra hour or so to put myself together. It had been so long since i last woke up disheveled and cursing my senses. This time i felt like a dumb girl who never learns her lessons. It’s much better waking up in that state in campus because granted, probably half the population is doing it. As an adult who is trying to maybe move out and start adulting i felt that i had let myself down.

My one consolation was that in all this i still kept my wits and my memory of events was crystal clear. I desperately wanted to have woken up in my own bed. Disheveled state or not. But i took the pieces. The tiny pieces that shatter every time i seem to have done something catastrophic. I took them bit by bit and built them up and told them that next time i wont have to pick them up again. Because there is not going to be a next time. I am breaking this little habit because i do not want to wake up in a strange place with a stranger asking to comb my hair for me.

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