It matters to me. My ability to create and express myself matters to me. It may seem insignificant to some people but for me it’s a massive part of living a happy and content life that feels worthwhile.
I’m not sure I see myself having a family. That’s not to say I don’t want to settle down, I do at some point but I don’t see myself dedicating myself to looking after children and being a homemaker. Never say never but right now that’s not something I desire. So for me, my hobbies and my work and my boyfriend matter a lot. Let’s take the boyfriend out of the equation for this blog, he’s a big part of my life but this is about my other loves.
I don’t look at people with families and feel envy, rather I certainly aspire to achieve the success and accomplishments of people doing what they feel passionate about as a career.
For me a job is not just a job, it is not just a means to an end. It’s a huge part of my journey and I want it to take centre stage with other things in my life. I want to feel like I’m flexing my creative muscles, using my ideas and that these things are having an impact on the business I’m working for.
I don’t want to settle into a mindless, dull job which adds nothing to my sense of expression. That doesn’t give make me feel valued and like I’m using my skills which I’ve been honing for years and improving.
I remember when I was in primary school I was told I had a talent for writing, I had written a fictional news article which impressed. In secondary school I remember I was the only one in my English class that got higher than a B without assistance for writing a journalism piece. I had real potential.
When doing a photoshop course I was told I had an eye for design and during a voluntary job I was told I picked up video editing very quickly. When I enjoy something I throw myself into it fully and I thrive. I want a job I thrive and have a real interest in.
In the aftermath of being unwell I thought that my happiness was out of the window. I thought I was stuck doing jobs I felt unsatisfied in and which I had no interest in. The possibilities seemed to thin out and those presented to me were unappealing.
But I’ve been reconstructing myself, taking opportunities as they come and allowing myself to grow and become stronger. This week I enrolled on a graphic design course to start in September. I want to build on my passions and I want to make my creative skills sharper so I can reach my potential. I’m not letting my chances of happiness fly out of the window without a fight.