47+ Best Andy Dwyer Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Sir Andrew Maxwell Dwyer, KBE GCMG is a fictional character in the NBC comedy Parks and Recreation portrayed by Chris Pratt. Profoundly inspirational Andy Dwyer quotes will encourage you to think a little deeper than you usually would and broaden your perspective.

Famous Andy Dwyer Quotes:

Is that a goose that just flew by the window? Oh, it’s a plastic bag. – Andy Dwyer

April: Hey, I love you. Andy: Dude, shut up! That is awesomesauce! – Andy Dwyer

The words that they say sound passive, but seem aggressive. I feel like there should be a term for that. Like, nice-y mean-y? – Andy Dwyer

Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously. That’s impossible. – Andy Dwyer

I’m allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than pieces, I throw up. – Andy Dwyer

I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. – Andy Dwyer

Everything hurts. Running is impossible. – Andy Dwyer

I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything. – Andy Dwyer

Did you know that the food you eat becomes energy? Boom! That’s spaghetti. Nachos. That’s a cookie. – Andy Dwyer

I take my shirt off because the bad feelings make me feel sweaty. – Andy Dwyer

Sometimes when I wipe, I’ll wipe and I’ll wipe and I’ll wipe and I’ll wipe a hundred times. Still poop. Still poop. It’s like I’m wiping a marker or something. – Andy Dwyer

Andy: I can’t believe we’re at Hogwarts! Ben: No, that’s Buckingham Palace. – Andy Dwyer

I promise I will not spit in anyone’s food unless they should request that I do. – Andy Dwyer

I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired. – Andy Dwyer

I’m not crying, okay? I’m just allergic to jerks! – Andy Dwyer

I know what things are. – Andy Dwyer

By day, Andy Dwyer: shoe-shinist. By different time of day, Andy Radical: possum-tackler. And by night…do whatever I want. No job. – Andy Dwyer

Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems. – Andy Dwyer

I’ve always wanted a doorman named Ernie. Or Kip. I’m pretty flexible on that. – Andy Dwyer

For the last time, Ron, it’s Princess Rainbow Sparkle. – Andy Dwyer

Anything is a toy if you play with it. – Andy Dwyer

Andy: I want Ann back and she says she needs a guy with a lot of money. Leslie: That doesn’t sound like Ann. Andy: Well, I can’t really do her voice. – Andy Dwyer

The show must go wrong! – Andy Dwyer

If you rearrange the letters of Peru, you could spell Europe. – Andy Dwyer

Oh, yeah! Shock wire! I call it that ’cause if you take a shower and touch the wire, you die! – Andy Dwyer

I once ate a Twix with the wrapper on it and I’ve never seen the wrapper come out. – Andy Dwyer

Looks like this Siberian Husky, is going to be Russian…off to jail. – Andy Dwyer

Butter is my favorite food. – Andy Dwyer

I got stung once, I’m immune. Go ahead and sting me, bees! It does nothing! – Andy Dwyer

It’s fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired. – Andy Dwyer

April is the best. But she’s . When April was born, I was already in the third grade, which means if we were friends back then, I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don’t know anything about infant care. My god, I could have killed her. – Andy Dwyer

I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well. – Andy Dwyer

You’re the greatest wife ever. I wish I could marry you all over again. (Gasps) Let’s get divorced! – Andy Dwyer

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life. – Andy Dwyer

Windows are the eyes to the house. – Andy Dwyer

Burt Macklin, FBI. The best damn agent they had, until I was framed for a crime I didn’t commit: stealing the president’s rubies. – Andy Dwyer

Andy: I’m going to win you a million teddy bears. April: Well, I want a billion teddybears. Andy: Well, that’s a little unrealistic. – Andy Dwyer

A game is the foot! – Andy Dwyer

Let me just say, from the bottom of my heart, my bad. – Andy Dwyer

I don’t know who Al Gore is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask. – Andy Dwyer

This song is called ‘, Candles in the Wind.’ – Andy Dwyer

When I get bummed out, I take my shirt off because the bad feelings make me feel sweaty. – Andy Dwyer

In order to think like one of these guys, you have to think like them. – Andy Dwyer

This is so awesome. We are like Robin Hood. We steal from the club and give to ourselves. – Andy Dwyer

I just wrote a new song. Okay. Bottom line: it’s called ‘Sex Hair.’ – Andy Dwyer

Andy: Aw, babe…you had a crush on me? That’s embarrassing. April: We’re married. Andy: Still! – Andy Dwyer

That is the coolest sentence I have ever heard anybody talk. – Andy Dwyer

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