My recovery is not going at the speed some people would like. I’m too slow. Not making enough progress. I’m not doing enough work or making changes quickly enough. Apparently. It is absolutely true that many people who commence recovery – from anything – progress at a faster rate. They make changes and those changes … Read moreIn My Own Time
When I’m not going forward in recovery, I’m perfectly happy to accept sideways. Because moving sideways is not going backwards. I have recently spent the most glorious three days in a lovely little holiday house – big hikes through the bush, lots of champagne and chocolate, late nights lying in front of a roaring fire … Read moreSidling Along
I feel like I’m barely holding on at the moment. Clinging on with my fingernails to whatever I can. I am exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. Nothing left to give. And yet ironically, not sleeping. Isn’t that always the way? I swear if I could get some sleep, I’d have a slightly firmer grip on reality. … Read moreHanging in
For the fourth time in my life, I find myself going through the intimate possessions of a family member. It is a stark reminder I should never keep in my possession, things I do not want my nearest and dearest to find. Lucky for me, I don’t have drawers full of sex toys, illicit drugs, … Read moreTreasures
If the universe was reasonable, it would allow me to “fully recover” before throwing curve balls in my direction. Unfortunately the universe isn’t reasonable. I have made progress. I really, really believe this. But I am far from recovered. And the moment the balls are curving towards me, there is an overwhelming desire to return … Read moreThe lure of the dark side
Since I fell apart last year, people keep asking, Are you okay? How can I help? If you need anything, just ask! They are genuine offers but I never know how to respond so just say I’m fine and don’t need anything. Not because I’m a martyr but because I genuinely have no idea. When I’m socialising … Read moreWhat do I need?
My grandmother was called Peace as a child. She was the youngest of three girls – the formidable McDougall girls. Her closest sister was born in 1914 and grandma in 1918 – war and peace. That wasn’t her real name though – her real name was June. Peace suited her. The first-born was self-assured, confident, intellectual … Read moreA century in the making
As soon as I make a little bit of progress – and find a few moments of hope and belief – I seem determined to crash and burn, just to prove to myself recovery is either impossible, or impossibly difficult. What happened? Who gives a shit – same old, same old. But if there’s one … Read moreThe Never Ending Story
I am coming to the end of an eight week online course for recovery from binge eating and/or bulimia. I am about to commence an eight week online course for transformational writing and author awakening. Both cost money. Neither will return any money to me. So their intrinsic value is about personal growth, not financial … Read moreWhy Do I Do It?
I am recovering. I am not recovered… I am in recovery. This I believe. This I know. My recovery course is ending and while I would love to say I am recovered, that was never going to happen. I can’t recover from 50 years of disordered eating in the space of eight weeks. Unfortunately! Many … Read moreRecovering