Treasures

For the fourth time in my life, I find myself going through the intimate possessions of a family member. It is a stark reminder I should never keep in my possession, things I do not want my nearest and dearest to find. Lucky for me, I don’t have drawers full of sex toys, illicit drugs, … Read more

A century in the making

My grandmother was called Peace as a child. She was the youngest of three girls – the formidable McDougall girls. Her closest sister was born in 1914 and grandma in 1918 – war and peace. That wasn’t her real name though – her real name was June. Peace suited her. The first-born was self-assured, confident, intellectual … Read more

Recovering

I am recovering. I am not recovered… I am in recovery. This I believe. This I know. My recovery course is ending and while I would love to say I am recovered, that was never going to happen. I can’t recover from 50 years of disordered eating in the space of eight weeks. Unfortunately! Many … Read more

Onwards & Upwards

At the start of this 30 day challenge I was determined to write consistently about recovery and freedom – unfortunately I quickly became bored and disillusioned and haven’t been entirely consistent with that particular task. I have written every single day! But it’s not always uber cheery. And part of me certainly resents the necessity … Read more

Escaping Grief

There is no escaping grief. Each and every one of us experiences loss and it is always painful – just ask a toddler throwing the king of all tantrums at the supermarket while you steadfastly refuse to buy the matchbox car he desperately must have. Grief is easily recognised when we lose someone. We expect the bereaved … Read more

Eye Opener

Today was an eye opening day. It began as any other Saturday – a late lie-in, snuggling with my husband, watching the sunrise through our bedroom window. With porridge in front of me and a cup of tea by my side, I logged onto my laptop and checked today’s task for the 7 Day Writing … Read more

Bye Bye Beautiful Girl

I believe in Angels. I always have. I always will. I don’t believe in God, or religion, but I do believe in Angels. (Yes Grandma… I am allowed to believe in Angels without believing in God – there are no rules when it comes to faith!) Today we scattered my sister’s ashes. She is now at … Read more

Unexpected Ideation

Some days I want to live. Some days I want to die. I’m not suicidal – not any more. Or not at the moment at any rate. If I’m careful with self care, and practice what has been preached the past 12 months, I can expect to die from natural causes in the distant future, and … Read more

The Starving Child

Today I awoke to the sight of little brown furry ears resting on my pillow, peering out the window at the rising sun and the clear blue autumn skies. The day held so much hope. Hope can be deceiving. It matters not how, or why, I ended up in a cycle of soul destroying binging and … Read more

Into the light of recovery

This is what recovery from an eating disorder feels like to me. I’m living in a swamp – full of mud and quicksand, snakes and leeches, dripping with potentially lethal pitfalls, occasionally sparsely populated with beautiful flowers, bouncing bunnies and exotic ferns. I’m led to an impossibly wide river of fetid black waters and on … Read more