I have been having incredibly vivid baby dreams again…
Every year it seems as though I go through weeks of having dreams about having my own baby. They are beautiful and ignite a fire that blazes through my body at intense speeds. I wake up with the fever.
Two nights ago, in my dreams, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She was the most perfect thing in the world. I can still feel her magnificently soft skin against mine. She had her mommy’s blonde hair, and her daddy’s piercing blue eyes. Cassie was her name. Her favorite thing to do was sleep. She definitely took after her Mama. Even typing out my dream makes me extremely emotional. I think I was put on this earth to be a mother and every year I get older the more I worry about missing my opportunity.
I am 24. I know that’s still considered young, but since the fever struck, it feels as though I can feel my biological clock ticking away. I found the man of my dreams; we just aren’t in a spot where we could bring a life into this world.
It doesn’t stop me from imagining it though. Creating a life with the man I love. The thought is overwhelming in the most beautiful way.
It seems every time I get on Facebook someone else is pregnant or posting pictures of their kids. Both my fiancé and I are the only kids left in our family who does not have a child. My sister just had her second son in August she sends me pictures of her perfect little peanut on a daily basis.
Once the fever hits it’s like nothing else matters. It grabs a hold of you and makes you feel disgustingly unfulfilled in life. Honestly, I cry a lot when these innate needs resurface. I think for a woman it is such an incredibly different emotion than for men. My fiancé doesn’t get my baby fever. He’s not very good at consoling me in this aspect. Though I don’t think I can be consoled, the fact that he even tries is enough for me. It’s just a strong emotion that takes over your body, you can’t fight it. You just have to wait for it to go away.
If you are feeling the fever, you’re not alone. I get it at least once a year and every year it grows stronger.
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