Be Gentle With Yourself, You’re Doing The Best You Can

My boyfriend left me to shower this morning as he had things to get on with. As I stepped out the shower and dried myself I started to feel really anxious. We chowed down on pizza last night, a very late night snack, mine was a low fat option but I knew my body wouldn’t appreciate it later on. My mind didn’t appreciate it this morning either. I felt stressed cos I wanted to work it off with exercise but I also wanted to do some job hunting as my contract came to an end yesterday. I’d applied for the longer contract at the place I just left but I thought it would be unlikely that I’d get an interview as I knew I didn’t give my best when filling out the application form. I’ve been feeling unmotivated lately, finding everything an effort, even brushing my teeth and washing my face. I felt depressed and anxious all at once at the thought that I might need to give up my independence and move back home without a job secured.

Pacing up and down, I kept changing my mind between going to the gym and staying in and trying to apply for jobs and set up interviews. In the end, I was feeling so on edge I decided to make myself go to yoga. A good halfway house and I hoped I feel more relaxed. It didn’t disappoint. Breathing in time with my movements, using strength and stretching, it took my mind off things and gave me a distraction.

Coming out of the Sports park I saw that I had a text saying that I had been sent an interview. I checked my email and it was for the job I just left. I felt vitality from the yoga session and I also felt relief that I’d have this interview.

The truth is taking the job I had just left was one of the best moves I’ve ever made. True it’s not my ideal career, but the people and environment were so lovely. It was relaxed, flexible and we were left to work at our own pace. The other thing was that I was told by my managers that I was very good at the job, skilled at picking up the job and highly accurate. I started this job having gone through a really tough and turbulent time just before and I’d managed to hold it down and do really well at it.

Today instead of being down on myself, wishing I could be different or someone else entirely I choose not to. Instead of looking in the mirror and being disappointed with what I see I see someone who keeps going, pushes myself constantly and my boyfriend gave me one of the best compliments I’ve had last night, he said that a women who’s both sexy with an great personality is rare. I found it funny but I also found it one of the sweetest things someone has said to me. I love the gorgeous words he says to me. Today I believe them more than ever.