141+ Best Bill Cosby Quotes: Exclusive Selection

William Henry Cosby Jr. is an American stand-up comedian, actor, musician, and author. Profoundly inspirational Bill Cosby quotes will fire up your brain and inspire you to look at life differently while making you laugh.

If you’re searching for quotes by comedians that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of quotes by Bill Hicks, best Bill Maher quotes and greatest Bo Burnham quotes.

Famous Bill Cosby Quotes

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on. – Bill Cosby

Nothing I’ve ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children. – Bill Cosby

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. – Bill Cosby

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. – Bill Cosby

The three ingredients of a successful union between two humor, commitment & undying love. – Bill Cosby

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God. – Bill Cosby

I wasn’t always black there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger. – Bill Cosby

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right. – Bill Cosby

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes. – Bill Cosby

Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head. – Bill Cosby

YOU are a genius! and I am a genius because I married you. – Bill Cosby

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries. – Bill Cosby

The serve was invented so that the net could play. – Bill Cosby

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he’s in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station. – Bill Cosby

I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don’t cry over the one person who doesn’t. – Bill Cosby

I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring. – Bill Cosby

Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug. – Bill Cosby

It’s painful, but we can’t heal ourselves unless we cleanse the wounds. – Bill Cosby

My mother was an authority on pig sties. This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen in my life, and I want it cleaned up right now. – Bill Cosby

This happened to the people. The Constitution says of the people, by the people, for the people but the people who got the office, got into office and forgot about the people. – Bill Cosby

Every success story has a parent who says, ‘over my dead body.’ Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you’re acting the fool, ‘you know I worry about you sometimes.’ – Bill Cosby

A child who is disciplined will be more obedient and also more organized as a student. – Bill Cosby

Man can not live by bread alone he must have peanut butter. – Bill Cosby

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague. – Bill Cosby

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy. – Bill Cosby

My grandpa didn’t believe in hugging and kissing, or saying I love you. His love had to do with the way he treated you. When he said, We’re going here, we’re going there, he was telling me about life. That was his love for me. My love for him was listening to what he said, keeping out of trouble, doing right, being fair. – Bill Cosby

One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children-unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek. – Bill Cosby

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don’t have a jobBecause when you finally get a job you’re going to be one of us. – Bill Cosby

You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven. – Bill Cosby

You can’t be everything to everyone – Bill Cosby

All parents experience the same problems. – Bill Cosby

A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. – Bill Cosby

Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world. – Bill Cosby

Kids need to remember that when you put something on Twitter, it’s not like whispering to your friend, you’ve put it on a billboard that the whole world, including your own kids someday, can see. – Bill Cosby

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. – Bill Cosby

I’m not the boss of my house. I don’t know how I lost it, I don’t know when I lost it, I don’t really think I ever had it. But I’ve seen the boss’s joband I don’t want it! – Bill Cosby

You can’t compete with Walmart. But you can have smaller businesses that are successful. – Bill Cosby

we cannot afford to settle for being just average; we must learn as much as we can to be the best that we can. The key word is education – education with maximum effort. Without it, we cannot be in charge of ourselves or anyone else. – Bill Cosby

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal. – Bill Cosby

Intellectuals are people who go to study things other people do naturally. – Bill Cosby

Old is always fifteen years from now. – Bill Cosby

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don’t want to see the dog doing them. – Bill Cosby

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity. – Bill Cosby

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now. – Bill Cosby

In spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women. – Bill Cosby

It isn’t a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that’s beautiful. – Bill Cosby

Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice. – Bill Cosby

The heart of marriage is memories. – Bill Cosby

My children love my mother, and I tell my children, that is not the same woman I grew up withThat is an old woman trying to get into heaven now. – Bill Cosby

Parents are not interested in justice; they’re interested in peace and quiet. – Bill Cosby

If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be appreciated, shut up. – Bill Cosby

We’re not raising children with the love that we need to. – Bill Cosby

Mediocre people are the most dangerous people in the world. – Bill Cosby

Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you’re pouring, or drinking. – Bill Cosby

The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble. – Bill Cosby

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing. – Bill Cosby

If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it. – Bill Cosby

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. – Bill Cosby

Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it. – Bill Cosby

Never forget that the devil is there 24/7 too. He’s very, very busy. – Bill Cosby

The game of chess. Supposedly men made it up, and it’s about war and men and the ravages and the bravery and the genius of commanding and moving pieces and No. It’s marriage. The Queen moves anywhere she wants. – Bill Cosby

Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of you. – Bill Cosby

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any. – Bill Cosby

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it. – Bill Cosby

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them. – Bill Cosby

Zip zop wop boopity bop. – Bill Cosby

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it. – Bill Cosby

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who’ve had luck with it and those who haven’t. – Bill Cosby

Violence won’t solve a thing. It makes it more challenging to solve, though. – Bill Cosby

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread. – Bill Cosby

When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody. – Bill Cosby

Now, Richard Pryor was unique. Many misunderstood his humor. He lit up the hallway, but they didn’t understand his use of profanity. He didn’t use it just to be using it; he used it in the context of his satire. – Bill Cosby

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked. – Bill Cosby

I don’t see much comedy in the Bible, where people are writing about funny people. It’s not there. – Bill Cosby

We are all anxious to be accepted. But if you have a strong mother and father who tell you that you don’t have to dress a crazy way, or hang out with people who are looking for trouble in order to be loved and accepted, then half the battle is over. – Bill Cosby

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by ‘survival of the fittest.’ – Bill Cosby

I don’t think you can bring the races together by joking about the differences between them. I’d rather talk about the similarities, about what’s universal in their experiences. – Bill Cosby

When I decided that I wanted to go to college, I wanted to be a school teacher for 7th and 8th grade boys because I felt that was an important time for them. I had gone astray at that point in my life and really wanted to help keep them from making the same mistake I had made. – Bill Cosby

I was 23 years old, a freshman at university, and there I was, on the first day, sitting in a remedial English class. I was so ashamed I almost got up and left, but somehow I knew inside that if I ran away from this, I would hate myself forever. – Bill Cosby

I’m a Christian. But Muslims are misunderstood. Intentionally misunderstood. We should all be more like them. – Bill Cosby

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic. – Bill Cosby

‘I Spy’ represents the absence of the tension of the black man or black woman or anyone of that color walking in, so that the white racist person can become entertaining to a viewer. – Bill Cosby

There are two sides to every story, and sometimes three, four, and five. – Bill Cosby

The problems with kids having short attention spans is driven by entertainment, reset buttons on games, games having to do with getting somewhere and heads blowing up. Everything is ‘cut to the chase, cut to the chase.’ – Bill Cosby

When you introduce competition into the public school system, most studies show that schools start to do better when they are competing for students. – Bill Cosby

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it. – Bill Cosby

Reunited with strawberry, raspberry and blueberry, I am berry, berry happy to be back working with JELL-O. – Bill Cosby

There’s a gap between people knowing what I do and really believing that I still do that – and wondering what it is I really do. – Bill Cosby

I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior. – Bill Cosby

I have to follow my thoughts and mine for the gold. I have to dig it out. – Bill Cosby

You come to my comedy show to be entertained. – Bill Cosby

I think ‘I Spy,’ still when you look at it, speaks volumes in terms of propaganda for equality. It’s just magnificent. – Bill Cosby

I see Obama as Sisyphus in the first four years. And nobody would speak about the size of the rock, or the elevation of the hill. All you hear people talk about is what he didn’t do. – Bill Cosby

I cannot understand how the education of this United States of America has been fooled time and time again. Either make it separate but equal or integrate, therefore it will be equal. And it has been separate and unequal. – Bill Cosby

Our children are angry. The profanity is out in the street. It’s on the buses and in the subway. Our children are trying to tell us something, and we are not listening. – Bill Cosby

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn’t because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children. – Bill Cosby

There are times my stories become – what I feel – not only accessible to hearing me on television, but they make wonderful reading. – Bill Cosby

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you’re telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much. – Bill Cosby

I love cake. I love pie. I love potato chips. I love salt. I do not want yogurt, plain yogurt. It’s healthy. ‘Why don’t you like it?’ Because it tastes like bad breath. – Bill Cosby

Brown versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person’s problem. – Bill Cosby

My observations are not bread crumbs. They do not dissolve. They are on record, on film printed in books, and found on the Internet. I am happy to share them. For this I was born. – Bill Cosby

According to the State of Florida, the person with the gun has the right to defend him or herself. – Bill Cosby

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger. – Bill Cosby

I managed my life to the point that at age 19 I was still in high school. I decided I was too old to be walking down those hallways. – Bill Cosby

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die. – Bill Cosby

In September of 1960, I was blessed – and I’m not saying blessed in the everyday religious way – when Temple University accepted me after scoring 500 on the SAT. I was 23 years old, and they put me in remedial. I was the happiest remedial person on earth. – Bill Cosby

People say to me, ‘Do you know who you look like?’ And I say, ‘I’m really tired of looking like that guy.’ – Bill Cosby

All around the United States of America – in the cities and the counties – our public education is suffering and has been suffering. Cuts, cuts, cuts. – Bill Cosby

You don’t reinvent yourself; you get better with what you do. – Bill Cosby

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first. – Bill Cosby

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made. – Bill Cosby

The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them. – Bill Cosby

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don’t know what’s next. – Bill Cosby

When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out. – Bill Cosby

‘The Cosby Show’ made an impact on comedy, television and culture. We rejected lowering the bar. – Bill Cosby

I’m not the healthiest, but I am healthy. I’m healthy to the point where there are things that I have to eat that I don’t want to eat, but I eat it because I’m enjoying staying alive. – Bill Cosby

I want to get violence – I want schools to start from K through 12 to just every day have teachers understand that they don’t want to talk about anything that is violent, and they want to explain to the children how bad violence is and how behavior – violent behavior, is something that they really should not practice and think about. – Bill Cosby

There should be marches in every neighborhood every day telling the people about the negativity of drugs and how the drugs help us to behave negatively. – Bill Cosby

If you speak your mind and if it is true what you’re saying, then I think the integrity of what you’re saying carries through. – Bill Cosby

Family is conflict and it’s something that we all relate to. – Bill Cosby

Social networking helps reach people easier and quicker. – Bill Cosby

By the 1960s, many of us believed that the Civil Rights Movement could eliminate racism in America during our lifetime. But despite significant progress, racism remains. – Bill Cosby

What kept me out of trouble is going right to the edge and then thinking that my mother would be embarrassed, and that I didn’t want to embarrass her, and that my father would be embarrassed, and I just didn’t want to do that to my family. – Bill Cosby

There are some people who have trouble recognizing a mess. – Bill Cosby

If you have no faith, you’ve lost your battle. – Bill Cosby

People say children are charming because they tell the truth. That’s a lie. I’ve got five of them. They only tell the truth if they’re in pain. – Bill Cosby

I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices. – Bill Cosby

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time. – Bill Cosby

The most important educational vehicle in all life is a parent figure. – Bill Cosby

Did you ever see the customers in health – food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half – dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They’re dying, of course, but they look terrific. – Bill Cosby

You can’t prove somebody is a racist unless they really come out and do the act and is found to be that. – Bill Cosby

We’ve got too many young girls, who don’t know how to parent, turning themselves into parents. – Bill Cosby

My feeling is, personally, I want to die first because I believe that when you die, your soul goes immediately up for judgment – and I don’t want my wife up there first. No, the judgment will be horrendous. – Bill Cosby

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. – Bill Cosby

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. – Bill Cosby

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. – Bill Cosby

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet. – Bill Cosby

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. – Bill Cosby

Parents are people who yell and they yell and they yell and they yell. And you already have the point and they’re still yelling. – Bill Cosby

When you become senile, you won’t know it. – Bill Cosby

Laughter brings out the child in all of us. – Bill Cosby

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