Catch-22 is a satirical war novel by American author Joseph Heller. He began writing it in 1953; the novel was first published in 1961. Profoundly inspirational Catch 22 quotes will fire up your brain and encourage you to look at life differently while making you laugh.
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Famous Catch 22 Quotes
Capt. Yossarian: Whoooo… That’s some catch, that Catch-22. Doc Daneeka: It’s the best there is!
Nately: You talk like a madman. Old Man: But I live like a sane one. I was a Fascist when Mussolini was on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-Fascist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I’m fanatically pro-America! You’ll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself.
Milo Minderbinder: We’re gonna come out of this war rich! Capt. Yossarian: You’re gonna come out rich. We’re gonna come out dead.
Old Man: You all crazy! Nately: Why are we crazy? Old Man: Because you don’t know how to stay alive, and that’s the secret of life.
Capt. Yossarian: You won’t marry me because I’m crazy. I’m crazy because I wanna marry you? You’re crazy. Luciana: Why? Capt. Yossarian: Because I love you. Luciana: How can you love a girl who is not a virgin? Capt. Yossarian: Because I can’t marry you. Luciana: Why you can’t marry me? Because I’m not a virgin? Capt. Yossarian: No, because you’re crazy! Luciana: You’re crazy!
Milo Minderbinder: What’s good for M & M Enterprises will be good for the country.
Nately: What are you talking about? America’s not going to be destroyed. Old Man: Never? Nately: Well… Old Man: Rome was destroyed. Greece was destroyed. Persia was destroyed. Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours?How much longer do you think your country will last? Forever? Nately: Forever is a long time, I guess. Old Man: Very long.
Maj. Danby: Weather conditions have improved tremendously over the mainland, so you won’t have any trouble at all seeing the target. Of course, we mustn’t forget, that means that they won’t have any trouble at all seeing you.
Major Major: Sergeant, from now on, I don’t want anyone to come in and see me while I’m in my office. Is that clear? Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir. What do I say to people who want to come in and see you while you’re in your office? Major Major: Tell them I’m in and ask them to wait. Sgt. Towser: For how long? Major Major: Until I’ve left. Sgt. Towser: And then what do I do with them? Major Major: I don’t care.
Nately: You’re a shameful opportunist! What you don’t understand is that it’s better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. Nately: You’re a shameful opportunist! What you don’t understand is that it’s better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. Maj. Major: You’re a shameful opportunist! What you don’t understand is that it’s better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. Old Man: You have it backwards! It is better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know. Old Man: You have it backwards! It is better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know. Nately: How do you know? Maj. Major: How do you know? Old Man: Because I am 107 years old. How old are you? Nately: I’ll be 23 in January. Maj. Major: I’ll be 20 in January. Old Man: If you live.
Luciana: What did you get this for? Capt. Yossarian: Will you believe me if I tell the truth? I was awarded that particular medal for killing fish. Luciana: You have killed many fish? Capt. Yossarian: I am the most renowned killer of fish in the whole United States Army Air Force.
Major Major: Is something wrong? Chaplain Tappman: No, no. I…just thought I saw something. Major Major: A naked man in a tree? Chaplain Tappman: Yes, that’s it. Maj. Danby: That’s just Yossarian.
Capt. Yossarian: He was very old. Luciana: But he was a boy. Capt. Yossarian: Well, he died. You don’t get any older than that.
Capt. Yossarian: Nately was blown to bits, McWatt killed himself, Hungry Joe was chopped in two, Dobbs disappeared, Aardvark’s a murderer, Doc Daneeka’s a zombie. They’re all gone. The only friend I had was Snowden, and I didn’t even know him.
Milo Minderbinder: As a matter of fact, Father, I know I can get my hands on an entire shipment of religious relics, blessed by the Pope himself. The Germans swiped them and put them on the open market. As I understand it, the stuff includes a wrist and collarbones of some of your top saints!
Milo Minderbinder: Nately died a wealthy man, Yossarian. He had over sixty shares in the syndicate. Capt. Yossarian: What difference does that make? He’s dead. Milo Minderbinder: Then his family will get it. Capt. Yossarian: He didn’t have time to have a family. Milo Minderbinder: Then his parents will get it. Capt. Yossarian: They don’t need it, they’re rich. Milo Minderbinder: Then they’ll understand.
Gen. Dreedle: There’ll be no more moaning in this outfit. The next man who moans is going to be very sorry.
Col. Korn: All you have to do is be our pal. Col. Cathcart: Say nice things about us. Col. Korn: Tell the folks at home what a good job we’re doing. Take our offer, Yossarian. Col. Cathcart: Either that, or a court-martial for desertion.
Capt. Yossarian: If he raises the number of missions again, I swear to God, I’ll help you kill him. Dobbs: Really? Capt. Yossarian: I swear. Dobbs: Well, that’s very reasonable of you.
Sgt. Towser: A man was killed in his plane over Avignon last week and bled all over him. His clothes haven’t come back from the laundry yet. Gen. Dreedle: Where are his other uniforms? Sgt. Towser: In the laundry too, sir. Gen. Dreedle: Where are his underwear? Sgt. Towser: In the laundry, sir. Gen. Dreedle: That sounds like a lot of crap to me. Capt. Yossarian: It is a lot of crap, sir.
Gen. Dreedle: Why aren’t you wearing clothes, Captain? Capt. Yossarian: I don’t wanna. Gen. Dreedle: What do you mean you don’t want to, why the hell don’t you? Capt. Yossarian: I don’t know, I just don’t wanna [laughs]. Gen. Dreedle: Why isn’t he wearing clothes? Col. Korn: [to Cathcart] He’s talking to you. Col. Cathcart: Why isn’t he wearing clothes, Major? Major Major: Why isn’t he wearing clothes, Sergeant?
Capt. Yossarian: Do you know what’s in that town? Nothing. Nothing’s in it. No Germans, no munitions, no railroad crossing, no harbor, nothing. Except people, Italian people. And a monastery.
Nately’s Girl: When we go to America, Nately? Old Man: You will take her to America? Away from a healthy, active life? Away from good business opportunities? Away from her friends? Nately: Don’t you have any principles? Old Man: Of course not. Nately: No morality? Old Man: I’m a very moral man. And Italy is a very moral country. That’s why we will certainly come out on top again if we succeed in being defeated.
Col. Cathcart: You’re a disgrace! I’d like to know how you got to be a Captain anyway. Capt. Yossarian: You promoted me. Col. Cathcart: That has got nothing to do with it!