I am positive you have heard this before: good communication is crucial in any relationship. How many of you actually believe that though? Do you think that a relationship can still be successful if you do not communicate well?
I can tell you from experience that communication is indeed crucial for a relationship to work well, be happy, and be satisfying to both parties. While it may still succeed even with bad communication, the relationship will be much more difficult and less pleasant more often.
Back when I first began dating my lovely fiancee, we had a very rocky relationship. I think there was one point where there were no feelings of love because there were so many mixed feelings of anger, frustration and exhaustion, the love just wasn’t able to shine through all of that. Obviously it was there, because here we are nearly four years later. Neither of us were great communicators. I would shut down very quickly and neither liked the feeling of vulnerability that opening up to each other brought. We tried numerous relationship help books and prayed and it just wasn’t working for us long-term.
Being in a relationship with someone is very tough. It’s a lot of work to choose to love someone, even when they’re at their worst. So how did we “fix” our communication? Practice…lots of practice, time, and love. We are still working on it every time we have a disagreement but the fact is, we have both improved and we both love each other enough to continue to work on this.
I can’t speak for him, but when I get into a confrontation I am having this conversation in my head but I can’t open my mouth. I think it goes back to my childhood and I stay quiet out of fear. He has done a great job at being patient with me. It takes me awhile but he’s aware of this and let’s me take my time to get the words out and say what I feel.
I speak better in the dark. I know it’s weird but if we turn out the lights and lay together on the bed, I feel less vulnerable and feel less like he is trying to attack me. Sometimes he makes these expressions that are just part of who he is but during an argument, they can make me feel insecure and shut down. In the dark, we don’t have this problem and I feel more willing to speak.
Touch each other to show you care and even though you are disagreeing right now, you still love one another. Anyone who ever tells you they never have a fight with their SO is LYING. No matter who the person is, if you spend enough time with them you will stumble upon arguments every once in awhile. I have had brutal fights with my sister, my SO, and roommates I have had. No two people are alike and even if they were that’d eventually make you crazy and fight! It’s natural and as long as it’s done properly, it can be healthy. next time you have a disagreement, hold hands or put a hand on each other’s knee.
Relationships require large amounts of trust. If you feel that you can’t talk with your partner, you need to fix this. If ever a disagreement begins to get too heated, we tend to take a time out and reunite within a specific time frame. You need a solid foundation of communication in order to resolve issues and feel secure with one another.
Do you have any tips on ways to communicate with your partner?
Proper communication is key – it’s very true…
Beautiful write-up! we should also not forget to get rid of communication road blocks e.g judging, blaming, nagging as these make communication very difficult and ineffective. Personally I read the body language and non-verbal communication more than the verbal ones, once I sense any sense of judgement I usually shut down.
I agree! I read body language a lot. Also, humans tend to play that blame game! Then you wind up going around in circle with each other which is not at all effective.
Writing a letter/email/message is a good way to communicate. When you are angry, don’t have time or mental/emotional strength to argue or confront, taking some time off to clear your head and writing a message helps you get your message through without hurting your partner. During such time, we often say/do things we don’t mean which might create pain/rift for/between both involved and this can be avoided through writing. It doesn’t always have to be a long message but small notes can do wonders. It is the effort that counts and this way you are showing that you love enough to solve the situation while being careful not to make it worse with your angry statements. In the message you can delete, edit, take your time, process your thoughts, re-think your opinions and the discussion and this way you come closest to expressing your actual feelings. Also some people are better in writing than talking.
I do agree with this to an extent. While text, email, or a letter can be an easier way to communicate, you just have to be extra careful. What is written can easily be taken out of context since you have no body language or ton of voice along with it. What might sound innocent to the writer could often sound judgmental to the reader. Use this way of communication wisely.