Decisions make up the foundation of our souls, of who we really are. Decisions and choices mould our life and sometimes make lasting impacts, some which we can never come back from.
I had to make a decision today. A big one. A very important one. A decision that could have maybe saved a life.
But for some reason, it was a hard decision. Instead of moments, it took minutes. I’m disgusted that it took me minutes to decide whether it was right of me to stop someone from dying. Whether it was right of me to console someone who was going through the most severe and intense breakdown I have ever heard of or witnessed.
She was mentally ill, you see. She was on the brink of suicide.
I was sitting a room away, contemplating if talking to her would really help her in the long run. I don’t believe in short-term fixes.
I was sitting there thinking, whilst she was breaking down, ready to end her own life. What kind of person does that make me?
I decided she couldn’t address an issue in the long-term if she’s dead.
I sounded so cold-hearted, even to myself.
It really hurt me to see her this way, but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to forget everything that happened between us and how she makes me feel. How she couldn’t accept who I was, how I could never help her, how I’m not useful, how I don’t have any value.
In the end, I hugged her and told her how much I loved her. I don’t think I fixed any long-term issues, but I did make someone feel loved and valued enough to not end their own life. That’s something, right?
Your decisions are your own, however they don’t just impact you, they impact everyone around you. It doesn’t matter if no one accepts you, you need to learn to accept and love yourself. If your bad decisions can impact people, then so can your good ones.
And that’s why everyone is useful. Everyone has value.