Don’t fear the dark

When I try to fall asleep, my thoughts grow louder. I tell them to hush because my boyfriend is asleep next to me. The whispers block any peace I can bring to myself and my body starts to get stiff and I start to build a wall that leads to headaches. My best bet to stop that mess is to stare into the darkness. I stare into the darkness, and in the process of silencing everything, I see again. My mind seems to travel to another world, and to be honest I don’t doubt that to be true. In the darkness, I see what I cannot see in the daylight. All the stresses of the day mean nothing in that darkness. This world I now have access to started to show itself to me when I told my thoughts to shut up. The mind is the foundation of the beings that we are within, but the thoughts are from the ego. The ego is sometimes our worst enemy in my opinion. The ego is a human concept, but we are more than that.
I opened that door to the “truth” when I was taking the train to get to my morning classes near Macy’s on 34th Street, in the amazing New York City. I would have to go up the stairs, and I started catching myself judging the people passing by me as if I knew them. No wonder I arrived at school mentally exhausted. What was wrong with me? Judging others was a disease within me and it made me bitter and ugly inside. It wasn’t my fault, though. It was an automatic process to hate everything along the way and think the world was against me. I made myself a victim when the only Punisher was myself to myself. Stop. I said to myself “Stop. What’s your problem? Forget that. All of it” and I would take a breath and finally the headaches started to leave. I started to understand that being automatic is not a good thing. We must be aware of everything, especially ourselves. We must be conscious of the things we think and that leads to becoming conscious about the things we feel.
Stop the endless whispers from inside of your head. Sometimes it is nonsense – creating stories that have no connection to the now but only make a mess of your supposed future and what happened in the past. Let it go. Be free of “yourself” that the ego has created to be free within yourself that the soul has been waiting for since the time society smacked your hand and said “don’t do that” to whatever it was. Our parents, our schools, our teachers, our society as a whole, has tried to shut down that beautiful being inside of us. Enough is enough. The thing is, they have been stopped, too, and it is all they know. Let’s help each other breathe and break that wall that keeps us from loving each other. Love yourself first by quieting the thoughts that are automatic and you will learn to see the truth in yourself, others, and the world.

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