Dorothy Parker was civil rights activist, writer, and poet. She was best known for her wit, wisecracks, and eye for 20th-century urban foibles. Witty and Wise Dorothy Parker quotes will get you through the day, broaden your perspective and enrich your life.
If you’re searching for thought-provoking quotes from poets that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of best F. Scott Fitzgerald quotes, thoughtful quotes from Rupi Kaur, and famous Alexander Pope quotes.
Famous Dorothy Parker Quotes
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. Dorothy Parker
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Dorothy Parker
I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it. Dorothy Parker
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. Dorothy Parker
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say No in any of them. Dorothy Parker
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. Dorothy Parker
I require three things in a man he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. Dorothy Parker
I hate writing, I love having written. Dorothy Parker
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. Dorothy Parker
Don’t look at me in that tone of voice. Dorothy Parker
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship. Dorothy Parker
I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it. Dorothy Parker
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both. Dorothy Parker
They sicken of the calm who know the storm. Dorothy Parker
The two most beautiful words in the English language are cheque enclosed. Dorothy Parker
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. Dorothy Parker
I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that’s too adorable, I’d rather have money. Dorothy Parker
You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think. Dorothy Parker
Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond studded wheelchair. Dorothy Parker
I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. Dorothy Parker
Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common. Dorothy Parker
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say No in any of them. Dorothy Parker
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. Dorothy Parker
She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go. Dorothy Parker
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. Dorothy Parker
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both. Dorothy Parker
The writer’s way is rough and lonely, and who would choose it while there are vacancies in more gracious professions, such as, say, cleaning out ferryboats? Dorothy Parker
I won’t telephone him. I’ll never telephone him again as long as I live. He’ll rot in hell, before I’ll call him up. You don’t have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I’m waiting here. He’s so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you. Dorothy Parker
Summer makes me drowsy. Autumn makes me sing. Winter’s pretty lousy, but I hate Spring. Dorothy Parker
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship. Dorothy Parker
Gertrude Stein did us the most harm when she said, You’re all a lost generation. That got around to certain people and we all said, ‘Whee! We’re lost. Dorothy Parker
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy. Dorothy Parker
I like to think of my shining tombstone. It gives me, as you might say, something to live for. Dorothy Parker
Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you! Dorothy Parker
This must be a gift book. That is to say a book, which you wouldn’t take on any other terms. Dorothy Parker
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you. Dorothy Parker
Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience. Dorothy Parker
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. Dorothy Parker
This wasn’t just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it. Dorothy Parker
It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard. Dorothy Parker
Excuse me, everybody, I have to go to the bathroom. I really have to telephone, but I’m too embarrassed to say so. Dorothy Parker
I’m never going to accomplish anything; that’s perfectly clear to me. I’m never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don’t do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don’t even do that any more. Dorothy Parker
I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending. Dorothy Parker
I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true. Dorothy Parker
There is no such hour on the present clock as 6:30, New York time. Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you’ll live through the night. Dorothy Parker
I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it’s so easy to be sweet to people before you love them. Dorothy Parker
Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them. Dorothy Parker
Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond studded wheelchair. Dorothy Parker
I had been fed, in my youth, a lot of old wives tales about the way men would instantly forsake a beautiful woman to flock around a brilliant one. It is but fair to say that, after getting out in the world, I had never seen this happen. Dorothy Parker
But I don’t give up; I forget why not. Dorothy Parker
Never throw mud you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty. Dorothy Parker
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away. Dorothy Parker
The cleverest woman on earth is the biggest fool on earth with a man. Dorothy Parker
I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that’s too adorable, I’d rather have money. Dorothy Parker
