100+ Best Dumb Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Profoundly inspirational dumb quotes will encourage you to think a little deeper than you usually would and broaden your perspective.

Famous Dumb Quotes

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it Mindy Kaling

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former Albert Einstein

I always cook with wine Sometimes I even add it to the food W.C. Fields

If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made Joan Rivers

To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost Gustave Flaubert

Do not take life too seriously You will never get out of it alive Elbert Hubbard

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it Mae West

Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about That always worries me! Charlie Brown

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes Jack Handey

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true James Branch Cabell

I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it  Edith Sitwell

I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness Bill Watterson

It’s so simple to be wise Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again Then quit No use being a damn fool about it W.C. Fields

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity Martin Luther King Jr

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability Oscar Wilde

I fear one day I’ll meet God he’ll sneeze and I won’t know what to say

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity And I’m not sure about the universe Albert Einstein

We are in danger of destroying ourselves by our greed and stupidity We cannot remain looking inwards at ourselves on a small and increasingly polluted and overcrowded planet Stephen Hawking

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye Cathy Guisewite

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do

Life is pleasant Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome Isaac Asimov

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out Will Rogers

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone Now I realize I should have been more specific Lily Tomlin

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60 Now he’s 97 years old and we have no clue where he is

I have a lot of growing up to do I realized that the other day inside my fort Zach Galifianakis

When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you’re holding is a half eaten sandwich Violet Matters

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well Mark Twain

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes He said, No hablo ingles Ronnie Shakes

A woman is like a tea bag You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water Eleanor Roosevelt

Whatever it is  I didn’t do it!

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down Oprah Winfrey

If I have brought any message today, it is this Have the courage to have your wisdom regarded as stupidity Be fools for Christ And have the courage to suffer the contempt of the sophisticated world Antonin Scalia

It is an obvious and blatant stupidity beyond my ability to articulate how dumb it is for us not to teach our children how to run the government Richard Dreyfuss

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good Luckily, this is not difficult Charlotte Whitton

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college P. J. O’Rourke

I drink to make other people more interesting Ernest Hemingway

If pessimism is despair, optimism is cowardice and stupidity Is there any need to choose between them? Francis Parker Yockey

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, Damn, that was fun Groucho Marx

I started the week with a big box of patience The box is empty now

I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb And I also know that I’m not blonde Dolly Parton

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted

 My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem But they don’t really know me Garry Shandling

Knock knock who’s there? a broken pencil. a broken pencil who? never mind it’s pointless

Don’t waste so much time thinking about how much you weigh There is no more mind numbing, boring, idiotic, self destructive diversion from the fun of living Meryl Streep

I can only please one person a day today isn’t your day. tomorrow doesn’t look good either

Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford Cindy Crawford


Sometimes i listen to the stranger’s conversation and mentally give my opinion

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age Lucille Ball

If you don’t understand my silence how will you understand my words?

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police Joan Rivers

If being awesome was a crime, I would be serving a life sentence

People say, How you stay looking so young? I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup Dolly Parton

Old people at weddings always poke me and say you’re next so I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there George Burns

I am responsible for what I say but I’m not responsible for what you understand

Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese Luis Buñuel

No matter how smart you are, you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are Will Ferrell