Eric Andre, also known as Blarf, is an American actor, comedian, musician and television host. Andre is the creator, host, and co-writer of The Eric Andre Show on Adult Swim, played Mike on the FXX series Man Seeking Woman, and voiced Azizi in the 2019 live action remake of The Lion King. Funniest Eric Andre quotes will make you think and seriously make you laugh out loud.
If you’re searching for great quotes by comedians that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of Woody Allen quotes, wittiest quotes by Mitch Hedberg, and hilarious John Mulaney quotes.
Most Famous Eric Andre Quotes
I was eating beans by candlelight for a decade. – Eric Andre
I was a class clown since second grade. – Eric Andre
I’m a lurker and a creep. Women don’t like me because I sleep standing up, like a horse. – Eric Andre
I’m an elderly Jewish lesbian trapped in a 33-year-old nerd’s body. – Eric Andre
You can make fun of your own a lot easier than someone else’s. – Eric Andre
I feel the acting conservatory taught me how to be a working actor in the 1700s. We learned stuff like ‘to the back of the auditorium, to the back of the auditorium’ and the liquid “u.” ‘The payment is duuue on Tuuuesday.’ I also learned how to fence. If anything, when I moved to Los Angeles, I didn’t fit in, in any way. I had to do comedy, because I was talking so pretentiously. – Eric Andre
Bill Cosby spoke out against The Simpsons and there was this kind of evangelical, right-wing sect that was against The Simpsons. Fox was a new network at the time, though, so they were going to take risks. – Eric Andre
Its consistency of what comedy can do and what comedy can be. Growing up with that show [The Simpsons] shaped my worldview. – Eric Andre
How many n-bombs are dropped? It depends on what I post. – Eric Andre
Comedy is often about pain. – Eric Andre
There are two sides to the coin. I think I’m much happier that [Barack] Obama won over John McCain or Mitt Romney, because I think Obama did something culturally for the country. – Eric Andre
[The people that worked on The Simpsons] just had good taste. They knew how to execute absurd jokes. – Eric Andre
I think if the joke is in good taste – it’s a good joke. – Eric Andre
I don’t think comedians take advantage of the fact that television and film are visual mediums. – Eric Andre
They [ The Simpsons] are just like the Bible to me as far as what the high-water mark of comedy. – Eric Andre
You see a lot of sketch variety shows where each segment is one joke that they repeat over and over and over again, and the sketches are always three or four minutes too long. – Eric Andre
I have done some formal acting training, because I sucked at acting when I first got to Los Angeles. I’m still one of the worst actors and auditions out there. – Eric Andre
I think that we put too much weight on who the president is. – Eric Andre
The Simpsons was pretty experimental at the time, but it attracted a lot of sitcom writers that felt confined by the limitations of live-action sitcoms in the ’80s. – Eric Andre
If there’s an intelligence behind the joke – – it’s a good joke. – Eric Andre
I’m insecure, and I need the validation of strangers to feel whole. So, I need every single racist 12-year-old on the Internet to like me, or I don’t feel complete. – Eric Andre
A hole is a hole has always been my motto. – Eric Andre
I can’t tell if the world is worse now or if we just have more cameras. There are cameras everywhere, so now the world knows how bad the world is. – Eric Andre
I will smoke crack before I die. I want to see what all the hubbub is about. – Eric Andre
I think we give human beings too much credit. We’re primates, you know. – Eric Andre
I think everyone is bi, right? There’s no such thing as sexual orientation, or race, or gender. Those are all obsolete man-made concepts. – Eric Andre
Do you think we’re going to hit a tipping point and the world’s going to end? – Eric Andre
The president is the country’s scapegoat more than the country’s leader; the president has as much power as we think the president has. Whoever has the most money is the puppet master. – Eric Andre
Before the Simpsons, I was 4 years old, so I don’t know exactly what I was thinking before that. – Eric Andre
Funny Eric Andre Quotes
Let’s hit the joke once and move on to the next joke and just keep it where we have as many jokes per square inch as possible. – Eric Andre
I’m an Aries. I need everybody to like me. – Eric Andre
You know something is a hit comedically if you can just call up one of your friends and belt out a line from the show and you both start laughing. – Eric Andre
Like I said, a sketch is one joke. They shouldn’t really be more than a minute, two minutes. There are some shows where the sketch goes on for five minutes. It’s like, “I get it! I’m already bored. I did like the joke, but I don’t anymore, because you went on too long.” – Eric Andre
When I’m watching South Park, I don’t think it’s written by neo-Nazis. They know exactly what they’re doing. – Eric Andre
I feel like we put all the weight on the president, rather than distributing the weight to all of the elected officials. – Eric Andre
I’m not a very good actor, so I break character all the time. – Eric Andre
Wonder Showzen is one of my favorite shows of all time. When I first saw it, I thought it was so funny and new and original and edgy and insane and subversive. I didn’t know comedy could do that. – Eric Andre
I care a lot; I’m very sensitive. – Eric Andre
You can’t really feel the direct change from one president to another versus people closer to you in local elections. – Eric Andre
All motivation is defined by intention. If the intention is to hurt, divide, or belittle, it’s wrong; if it’s an attempt to cope with or make sense of tragedy, it’s something different. If it’s commenting on society’s flaws, versus adding to society’s flaws, I think the audience can tell. – Eric Andre
I just grew up with it [The Simpsons]. The first season came on when I was 5, 6 years old, and the show evolved as I was growing up and got funnier and funnier and, by the time I was in 12th grade, they were at their funniest. – Eric Andre
If the crowd is full of assholes, it’s no fun. If the crowd is cool, it’s great. – Eric Andre
I think part of it is the fact that they were kind of the first of its kind – there weren’t a lot of cartoons for adults. People forget at the time that The Simpsons started out, it was controversial – the fact that they said hell and damn in a cartoon was a lot. America was in an uproar. – Eric Andre
I do think homophobia in the ’80s was more rampant and socially acceptable. – Eric Andre
I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind. – Eric Andre
I have a karaoke punk band called The Ungrateful Dead, but we don’t exist yet. – Eric Andre
I like Velvet Underground, but I was never really hardcore into them. I like them, and I like Nico, but I won’t front like I’m super knowledgeable. I just never got around to it. – Eric Andre
I used to be a Geico Caveman for live events. I was a corporate mascot. It was the silliest job. It was actually awesome and fun, but it was retarded. – Eric Andre
Hannibal Burress is my polar opposite in energy. I can be crazy, and he grounds the ‘Eric Andre Show.’ – Eric Andre
ABC is owned by Disney, so it’s a little more conservative than Adult Swim. Polar opposites. – Eric Andre
I don’t really know how music and comedy are similar. I try never to dissect it theoretically or academically. – Eric Andre
I loved ‘Space Ghost’ when I was in college. – Eric Andre
‘The Simpsons’ is like Charlie Parker or Marlon Brando or Richard Pryor: Comedy couldn’t go back to the way it was after ‘The Simpsons’ came out. – Eric Andre
I grew up in Boca Raton, Florida – the worst place on earth. – Eric Andre
I’ve never seen ‘The Goonies.’ I’ve never seen ‘Indiana Jones.’ I watched ‘UHF’ over and over again when I was little, and that was it. I had no time for any other movies. I watched ‘Naked Gun,’ ‘UHF,’ and ‘Airplane!’ over and over. – Eric Andre
From ‘Chappelle’s Show’ to ‘Tosh.0,’ there’s so much race comedy. It’s overdone. – Eric Andre
The Eric Andre Show Quotes
Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?
You know, they say if it’s grey it’s healthy for you.
You’ve already ruined whatever momentum your joke has, so…
Why’re you trying to be all things to all people?
You for real think that those words that you just said should be on television?
The Lord may or may not be real. Who is to say that God exists?
You know what I’ve never had in my life? Penguin meat.
Why weren’t black people in lord of the rings?
Freedom ain’t not free!
What do you think people did before ladders?
Once you realize you don’t have to sleep anymore, your mind goes wide open!
Patriotism is the conviction that your country is superior to all others ’cause you were born in it.
Is Dennis Rodman committing treason because of his close ties to the despotic leadership of North Korea?
Why are you booing me? I’m right!
Do you think Margaret Thatcher had girl power? Do you think she effectively utilized girl power by funneling money into illegal paramilitary death squads in Northern Ireland?