“In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ I command you demon, to tell me your name! Tell me your name!“, I bellowed as I pulled out the crucifix on my necklace placing it face-to-face with the arrogant, smirking evil before me.
I watched as his face changed. The look in his eyes, a conniving fox-like confidence into a whimpering puppy begging for mercy. The show of his glistening, gnarly blood-stained sharp teeth shut down by his now fear-ridden trembling lips.
Despite the overwhelming trepidations of my heart literally beating out of my chest, I manage to cough up the words once again knowing deep down inside that the Lord is with me, before me and behind me in my fears.
“In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ! I bind you evil one by our Lord and cast you to the sole of his foot to be trampled on and dealt with severely! I command you in the name of Jesus to leave this body, leave this soul and may you never again be seen wondering on this earth!”
A scream followed. A threshing of wind and visible black smoke flustered everyone in the room. The sound of a thousand low-growling voices escaped, never to be heard again and the room settled into a pin-drop peaceful silence. Almost as if untouched nor ever reeked of evil.
My eyes pop open. I am covered in cold sweat. My fists clenched, toes curled, stomach tense with my jaws shut tight driving my mouthguard into my gums and neck extended upwards. There it was again. This familiarity. This nightmare. 6 out of 7 days a week I experience these intense nightmares. 5, if I’m lucky. 99% of the time I am chasing and casting out demons in Jesus’s name and 1% of the time I am being chased by one.
Being haunted by these very real-life dreams have been a constant in my life since I was about 14 years of age. Sometimes, I get a break from them. However, whenever I step closer to God they come on full force. Relentless. Waking up from a sleep like that makes one feel as if sleep never happened. It is where dreams come true when you wake up in the middle of the night, especially at the magical hour of 3am in attempt to steady yourself, consoling your mind that it was merely a dream. Or was it?
Needless to say, waking up to an upward extended neck set off the vertigo and loud ringing in the ears. I sigh. I’m in tears and I continue on this spectacular merry-go-round ride on turbo speed. I ask God why. I plead, I beg. Knowing that silence would be a reply. As it’s always been for slightly over 3 years.
I wonder why, whenever I stray or lapse in my usual prayer routines and hop on back to stay close to God again do these nightmares plague me. By instinct (in which I am 99% always right), I know that it’s the evil one holding on to me very tightly and jumping at every opportunity he has to continue latching on to me. Whenever I attempt to get closer to the Lord, I meet every sort of obstacle. Harrowing nightmares are the common ones. Except it has been harder with the vertigo.
This has been confirmed by prayer leaders, spiritual leaders and counsellors and priests that have prayed with me and for me and counselled me. I always get told that the evil one is holding on to me very tightly for he had a tight hold and reign over me in many of my younger years where I sought ghosts and spirits in abandoned and forbidden places and dabbled with black magic, always drawn to the dark side of things. I also do see things. Very often when I was younger and much less now that I am closer to God. Spirits are very drawn to negative energy and I definitely still do have many remnants of such.
So now that I’ve been steering toward God since a conversion camp in 2010, I have been plagued with all sorts of obstacles and trials.
I must admit, I am getting tired. Why is it so difficult to stay close to God? Why can’t we just switch over to light from darkness? I guess once souls are tainted, purifying them is a painful and long process.
Deliverance and perseverance through prayer is of utmost importance. One must never give up. This nightmare that I had a couple of nights ago set off my vertigo with the physical state I was in from waking abruptly and my spirit has been crushed since then. I am now 95% recovered from the spinning and back to my usual wobbly state. Though very tired and beaten, I mustn’t give up.
I know one day God will heal me of all my afflictions. Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Why has he allowed such a daunting task of the testing of faith I do not know, but as they say and as he said, everything from God is good and I shall strive on though I am down deep draggling myself through thick sinking mud.
Maybe these nightmares are a prophecy of God’s planned future for me? That I would be casting out demons in his name? (haha, can I say no thank you?)
I hope this post encourages all of you out there too with your battles. We cannot give in to the evil one for he is nothing in front of God. A fallen angel, still aware of its nothingness in front of our creator.
“..they shall have their lives as a prize of war, and live” – Jeremiah 38:2
Be kind to one another,
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