Family relationships are uncharted ground every single day. They ebb and flow morphing into friendships overtime if we allow it. What strikes me about this topic is the absolute guarantee that these relationships will change as we grow though the stages of life. Not everyone has the same relationships with their family members, in fact no family relationship is the same. There are so many factors that play into the development of each and every relationship within a functioning family. First it starts with the couple, their relationship determines what type of example of “marriage” or how a couple works for any children they produce. If there is a line of abuse within a family more than likely that abuse will transfer on generation to generation causing many broken human beings. On the other hand, if love and sacrifice predominately show themselves within a family unit then compassionate human beings come forth. There should be a nice healthy mix of support, love, sometimes tough love to produce family relationships that blossom into friendship later in life.
It’s easier said than done that a loving family will make fabulous offspring. In fact, that’s not always the case, mental illness and environmental factors combined with experiences outside the home affect family relationships. Life happens to every single one of us, creating who we are and how we look at the world. Relationships in general are hard in fact they can be downright stressful. Family relationships are no exception. It takes work to come to the point in life when you can call your parents and siblings friends. Does that mean all roses for the rest of life, absolutely not, in fact it guarantees work! We always hurt the ones we love the most. That is absolutely not a cliché, it’s a fact. Humans are inherently flawed.
If there is one consistent thing in life it’s that we humans are going to be slaves to our human nature, mostly ending in failure brining about the inevitable hurting those we love. Does that mean we are all destine to fail? No of course not, but it means we need to be able to see others and not just ourselves. Looking beyond the end of one’s nose is an essential part of being a functioning adult. In some cases, excommunicating family is what needs to be done to be successful in your own life. If one suffers abuse at the hands of their family its ok to move on and say “see ya never!”. Being a healthy human means saying goodbye to those who are toxic in your life. This can bring balance to life, allowing an individual to spread their wings.
Parental relationships can be tricky as one growns into adulthood. It takes effort on both sides, for instance the “child” must accept that parents make mistakes, leading them to forgive the parent. The parent must realize that the “child” has grown into adulthood. A parent looking at their adult child as if they are still little isn’t healthy for building a friendship. For a true respectful friendship to bloom both parties accept each other and where they are at in life. Once this acceptance occurs relationships can turn into a more adult parent, child relationship. There will always be a separation in the fact that the parent is the parent so therefore there are limits on some discussion topics. It’s all about respect of both parties. Often parents are uncomfortable talking about certain things with their adult child and vice versa.
In my own family I can say that both of my parent are my best friends, along with my husband and brother. They make up the core of my friends, people I want to be around. This has only been achieved by work and respect. Now has it always been easy? Oh gosh no, there have been many struggles. My mom and I went through the typical teenage daughter / mother struggles. We moved on and found our common ground, learning about each other building a strong friendship. I can tell my mom anything, I can rely on her. She loves me through my faults this makes our friendship even stronger. No one knows your faults more than your mother.
My brother and I are only two years apart, most times he would ignore me in the hallways of our schools as if I was a ghost. We had separate friends, separate lives. However, we have now found our friendship. We have found our commonality building a lasting devoted friendship with one another. The one person in the world who grew up the same way I did. It’s phenomenal to me how different we are, but accepting the differences in each other allows for us to be great friends as an adult. I can rely on him the same way I can the rest of my family.
My father was always on a pedestal to me growing up. Very typical of little girls, I was no acceptation. When I realized in adulthood that he was just human, he became a dear friend to me. I still look up to my dad, and I still think he knows everything about everything but we are friends invested in each other’s lives. This is the way it should be, I can talk to my dad, and he can talk to me it works.
All these relationships work because we have taken love for one another born naturally from family relationships and allowed it to morph it into lasting reliable friendship. I would not want it any other way. Take a look around your family, what relationships can improve? Does forgiveness and acceptance need to make an appearance? Does cutting off some family members improve your life? Then do it, move on place roots for other bonds to blossom. Find a way to make these family relationships grow then experience what family truly means. Family will never leave you, they will forgive you when you do wrong, they will be there holding your hand as you fight for your life. Look outward, focus on building a successful family relationship, find friendship. As the saying goes you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your family, so find peace working on family relationships.
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