15+ Best Funny College Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Profoundly inspirational funny college quotes will get you through anything when the going gets tough and help you succeed in every aspect of life.

Famous Funny College Quotes

Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. — G.B. Trudeau

Colleges are like old age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges. — Bob Dylan

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. — Fred Allen

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn’t answer the phone. — Craig Kilborn

College is fun as long as you don’t die. — Tsugumi Ohba

I’m a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed. — Bruce Lee

College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night? — David Wood

Colleges don’t make fools, they only develop them. — George Lorimer

A senior always feels like the university is going to the kids. — Tom Masson

80 percent of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn’t read. — Unknown

Definition of a college professor: someone who talks in other people’s sleep. — W.H. Auden

College is a $120,000 hooker, and you’re the idiot that fell in love with her. — John Mulaney

‘Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you. — John Green

Then you play the game show, Do My Friends Hate Me Or Do I Just Need To Go To Sleep? — John Mulaney

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income — which he then spends sending his son to college. — Bill Vaughn

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