A father is the male parent of a child. Inspirational funny dad quotes will fire up your brain and inspire you to look at life differently while making you laugh.
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Famous Funny Dad Quotes
My dad, like any coach, has always stressed the fundamentals He taught me responsibility, accountability, and the importance of hard work Steve Young
You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out Jerry Seinfeld
The only way I can describe fatherhood it sounds stupid, but at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full It’s just full all the time Matt Damon
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on a rope Bill Cosby
What makes Will the best father in the world to me is that he’s there, not just there in a way that’s traditional The emotional support he offers his children is immeasurable Jada Pinkett Smith
To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years Ernest Hemingway
It’s chaos at times, but there’s such joy in the house I look and there’s our boy from Vietnam and our daughter from Ethiopia, and our girl was born in Namibia, and our son is from Cambodia, and they’re brothers and sisters, man They’re brothers and sisters and it’s a sight for elation We have the capability to give a child a home, and let me tell you it’s selfish, too, because the reward has been extraordinary Brad Pitt
There should be a children’s song, if you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep Jim Gaffigan
Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad Anne Geddes
Men should always change diapers It’s a very rewarding experience It’s mentally cleansing It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes Chris Martin
I just sit there and make up songs and sing to my son in gibberish I’m very good at gibberish now Elton John
Lately all my friends are worried that they’re turning into their fathers I’m worried that I’m not Dan Zevin
During the sole argument we had when Chelsea was in high school, the subject of which I don’t even remember, I looked at her and said, As long as you’re in this house, being president is my second most important job Bill Clinton
My wife just let me know I’m about to become a father for the first time The bad news is that we already have two kids Brian Kiley
He has always provided me a safe place to land and a hard place from which to launch Chelsea Clinton
I’ve been to war I’ve raised twins If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war George W. Bush
There should be a children’s song If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep Jim Gaffigan
I know that if my mom fell and screamed for help, my dad would jump right up to rescue her as soon as it was halftime Bruce Cameron
My father used to say that it’s never too late to do anything you wanted to do And he said You never know what you can accomplish until you try Michael Jordan
My dad used to say, always fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade Harry Hill
I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day If it was socially acceptable I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask Will Arnett
I asked my dad for a BB gun, but he said we were a tribe of worriers, not warriors Hilary Price
Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you’re 12, but every day Mike Myers
Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents Margaret Mead
My father would lift me high And dance with my mother and me and then Spin me around til I fell asleep Then up the stairs he would carry me And I knew for sure I was loved Luther Vandross
My father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic Spike Milligan
Years ago we used to play He used to laugh when I ran away But when I fell and hurt my knee He would run to comfort me And the pain would go away The Monkees
The older I get the more I can see How much he loved my mother and my brother and me And he did the best that he could And I only hope when I have my own family That everyday I see a little more of my father in me Keith Urban
When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape Dave Attell
It’s been the most amazing experience I could ever possibly imagine Prince Harry
My father makes money the American way. He trips over stuff and sues people Dominic Dierkes
The most amazing feeling I feel Words can’t describe what I’m feeling for real Maybe I paint the sky blue My greatest creation was you Jay-Z
My father refused to spend money on me as a kid One time I broke my arm playing football, and my father tried to get a free x-ray by taking me down to the airport and making me lie down with the luggage Glenn Super
It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons Friedrich Schiller
Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain Martin Mull
I decided in my life that I would do nothing that did not reflect positively on my father’s life Sidney Poitier
Dad taught me everything I know Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows Al Unser
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it Harry S. Truman
Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch Jon Stewart
The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get Tim Russert
If you ever want to torture my dad, tie him up and right in front of him, refold a map incorrectly Cathy Ladman
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around But when I got to be twenty one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years Mark Twain
I’m so ugly My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet Rodney Dangerfield
If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a 50 percent chance of being right Bill Cosby
Whenever I fail as a father or husband, a toy and a diamond always works Shahrukh Khan
Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch Jon Stewart
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis Jack Handey
I’ll never forget the moment I became a dad. It’s hard to describe that level of responsibility, the desire to give such joy, the clarity Nothing is more important than this Tom Cruise
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo Bob Monkhouse
I’m probably the most uncool guy that my daughters know as far as they are concerned anyway cause I’m Dad I mean dads just aren’t cool especially when I dance! They don’t want me to dance Tim McGraw
I don’t have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking Eugene Mirman
I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us We are formed by little scraps of wisdom Umberto Eco
A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be Frank A. Clark
I’m so proud of you that it makes me proud of me I hope you know that John Green and David Levithan
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet Rodney Dangerfield
A man knows he is growing old because he begins to look like his father Gabriel Garcia Marquez
If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right Bill Cosby
My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person he believed in me Jim Valvano
The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get Tim Russert
I know that I will never find my father in any other man who comes into my life, because it is a void in my life that can only be filled by my father Halle Berry
I never got along with my dad Kids used to come up to me and say, My dad can beat up your dad I’d say Yeah? When Bill Hicks
My father taught me that the only way you can make good at anything is to practice, and then practice some more Pete Rose
That is the thankless position of the father in the family the provider for all, and the enemy of all August Strindberg
When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, Daddy, will you take me to the zoo? He answered, If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you Jerry Lewis
Having children is like living in a frat house nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up Ray Romano
Before I got married I had six theories about raising children now, I have six children and no theories John Wilmot
A father is a banker provided by nature
I had watched Dad climb into the biggest arena and succeed I wanted to find out if I had what it took to join him George W. Bush
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years
He was a father That’s what a father does Eases the burdens of those he loves
Dad taught me everything I know Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows
Saves the ones he loves from painful last images that might endure for a lifetime George Saunders
The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get
I think that my strong determination for justice comes from the very strong, dynamic personality of my father I have rarely ever met a person more fearless and courageous than my father The thing that I admire most about my dad is his genuine Christian character He is a man of real integrity, deeply committed to moral and ethical principles He is conscientious in all of his undertakings If I had a problem I could always call Daddy Martin Luther King, Jr
Dads are like chocolate chip cookies; they may have chips or be totally nutty, but they are sweet and make the world a better place Hillary Lytle
He never stopped wanting to save the world Ron Reagan
If at first you don’t succeed, call Dad
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream Conan O’Brien
I remember my daughter Deni coming along, and she was so pure and caring of everybody and everything And somehow, this little being managed to get around all the obstacles the gun turrets, the walls, the moats, the sentries that were wrapped around my heart My heart at that time needed her I think it’s the best thing going, parenthood Woody Harrelson
Happy farter’s day Dad!
Parenting is about being competent and responsible It’s not about gender, necessarily Dan Savage
My dad told me a joke about boxing I guess I missed the punch line
When you have kids, there’s no such thing as quality time There’s just time There’s no, Ooh, his graduation’s better than going to the mall It’s all kind of equal Changing her diaper and her winning a contest it’s all good Chris Rock
I like telling dad jokes Sometimes he laughs!
I worry about that every single day Am I being a good father? Matt Lauer
My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me Jim Valvano
Whenever one of my children says Goodnight, Daddy I always think to myself, You don’t mean that Jim Gaffigan
He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it Clarence B Kelland
Being Chinese immigrants in the United States, it was important for my parents to maintain ties that went back a long time They led by example. My dad didn’t bring his work pressures home We were always aware of them and would go as kids to his office and run around. But when he came home, he was able to leave things behind, at least from our perspective, and focus on us C.C. Pei, son of I.M. Pei, architect of the Louvre Pyramid
Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes adventurers, story tellers, singers of songs Pam Brown
It is a wise father that knows his own child William Shakespeare
A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society Billy Graham
