25+ Best Funny Diet Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Diet is the food and drink usually eaten or drunk by a person or group. Profoundly inspirational funny diet quotes will encourage growth in life, make you wiser and broaden your perspective.

If you’re searching for funniest quotes ever and best funny friendship quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of significant funny business quotes, best funny brother quotes and greatest comedy quotes.

Famous Funny Diet Quotes

Eat as much as you like-just don’t swallow it. — Steve Burns

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it! — Andy Rooney

If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: french-fried potatoes are out. — Jean Kerr

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. — Barbara Johnson

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. — Jean Kerr

I’m not overweight. I’m just nine inches too short. — Shelley Winters

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond. — Mae West

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. — Orson Welles

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. — Mark Twain

If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner — Henry Sambrooke Leigh

Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die. — Kurt Vonnegut

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks. — Totie Fields

A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch. — Hermione Gingold

Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we may diet. — Cathy Hopkins

When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won’t dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn’t taste that bad. — Janette Barber

In two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. — Erma Bombeck

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it. — Jackie Gleason

The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook. — Julia Child

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. — Fran Lebowitz

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. — Bob Hope

No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office. — George Bernard Shaw

I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets. — Dolly Parton

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. — Irv Kupcinet

When we lose twenty pounds… we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. — Woody Allen

My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like – just don’t swallow it. — Harry Secombe