45+ Best Funny Dog Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Your pup instantly improves your mood and can help you to maintain a more positive, optimistic perspective on life. Inspirational funniest dog quotes will fire up your brain and encourage you to look at life differently while making you laugh.

If you’re searching for hilarious quotes and best sarcastic quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of extremely funny divorce quotes, hilarious dance quotes and funniest horse quotes.

Famous Funny Dog Quotes

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does. – Christopher Morley

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth! – Anne Tyler

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? – Author Unknown

If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. – Will Rogers

funny dog quotes

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window. – Steve Bluestone

I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother. – Bonnie Schacter

Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away. – Author Unknown

I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop! – Jonah Goldberg

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s. – Mark Twain

What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job! – George Carlin

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like, never washed a dog. – Franklin P. Jones

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. – Marilyn Monroe

In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. – Derek Bruce

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. – Ann Landers

In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog. – Edward Hoagland

My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog! – Greg Curtis

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’ – Dave Barry

A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours. – Author Unknown

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. – Aldous Huxley

Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant. – Author Unknown

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives. – Sue Murphy

If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. – Phil Pastoret

A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well – almost. – Charlotte Gray

Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted – Sian Ford

A well trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it. – Helen Thomson

Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all. – John Grogan

I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts. – John Steinbeck

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. – Jay London

Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted. – Sian Ford

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. – Bernard Williams

Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers. – Jodi Picoult

If you’re uncomfortable around my dog, I’m happy to lock you in the other room when you come over. – Author Unknown

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. – Andy Rooney

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. – Rita Rudner

When an 85 pound mammal licks your tears away, and then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad. – Kristan Higgins

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money. – Joe Weinstein

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. – James Thurber

A boy can learn a lot from a dog – obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. – Robert Benchley

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass. – Rodney Dangerfield

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. – Fran Lebowitz

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. – Robert Benchley

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. – Harry Truman

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