35+ Best Hank Hill Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Profoundly inspirational Hank Hill quotes will challenge the way you think, change the way you live and transform your whole life.

Famous Hank Hill Quotes

What the hell kind of country is this where I can only hate a man if he’s white? – Hank Hill

Your heart is telling you?! Who’s the boss, you or your heart? You are! Your heart is your employee! So get your heart off its butt and back to work! – Hank Hill

Maybe I should tie the long hair on your head to the short hair on your ass and kick you down the street! – Hank Hill

Can’t you see you’re not making Christianity any better, you’re just making rock and roll worse? – Hank Hill

Bobby, some things are like a tire fire, trying to put them out makes it worse. You just gotta grab a beer and let it burn. – Hank Hill

Bobby, some things are like a tire fire, trying to put it out only makes it worse. You just gotta grab a beer and let it burn. – Hank Hill

AM, and already the boy ain’t right! – Hank Hill

Dallas? I don’t want you going to Dallas at all! That place is crawling with crack heads and debutantes. And half of them play for the Cowboys. – Hank Hill

That’s a clean-burning Hell, I tell you what! – Hank Hill

There’s something missing, something wrong…it’s like a pretty girl with short hair. – Hank Hill

I have a sense of humor. I laugh at Tony Danza. – Hank Hill

Bobby, if you weren’t my son I’d hug you. – Hank Hill

BWAAAAHH! – Hank Hill

I don’t have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem! – Hank Hill

Don’t play mind checkers with me, man. I’m not in the mood. – Hank Hill

Dale, that’s asinine, and here’s four reasons why. First, you’re not gonna clone a super-warrior out of a guy who can’t even win a thumb-wrestling match. Two, you’ve spent your life swearing that the robots will eliminate the clones by the year , so which is it, robots or clones? Three, you’ve already said you sympathize with the invading Mongolians of , so you’d be the last one they’d send to fight them. And four, if you were from the future, you would have seen this coming. – Hank Hill

Bobby, Al Yankovic blew his brains out in the late s after people stopped buying his records. He’s not worth getting in trouble over. – Hank Hill

Your heart is telling you?! Who’s the boss, you or your heart? You are! Your heart is your employee! So get your heart off its butt and back to work! – Hank Hill

The only woman I’m pimping from now on is Sweet Lady Propane. And I’m tricking her out all over this town. – Hank Hill

So, are you Chinese or Japanese? – Hank Hill

There better be a naked cheerleader under your bed! – Hank Hill

No, you are not tripping, that is an emu. – Hank Hill

An ‘F’ in English? Bobby, you speak English! – Hank Hill

Bobby, I didn’t think I’d ever need to tell you this, but I would be a bad parent if I didn’t. Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking. – Hank Hill

You shut your got-dang mouth or I’ll shove that Ditch Witch down your throat and dig a tunnel straight through to sunshine! – Hank Hill

I sell popcorn and popcorn accessories. – Hank Hill

But that shouldn’t stop you from pursuing your own dreams of wood, plywood, pressed fiberboard, and, if you’ve got the talent, metal! Y’see, shop doesn’t have to happen in any special place—as long as it’s well lit, and the outlets are grounded. Because shop is bigger than any classroom, or garage, or stupid policy that makes tools illegal—it’s in our hearts. – Hank Hill

Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking. – Hank Hill

I’m doped out of my gourd! – Hank Hill

They weren’t dancing like you and I used to, Peggy. They were enjoying it. – Hank Hill

I wasn’t flirting with her. I didn’t even mention that I work in propane! – Hank Hill

You know, Helen Keller was largely useless, but look how we remember her. Yep, first lady of the American stage. – Hank Hill

Why would anyone smoke week when they could just mow a lawn? – Hank Hill

I am the mack daddy of Heimlich County! – Hank Hill

What? No, I sell propane! – Hank Hill

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