Sebastian Blood said: “Most believe there are two types of people who go into a crucible. The ones who become stronger from the experience and survive it, and the ones who die. But there’s a third type. The ones who learn to love the fire and choose to stay in their crucible because it’s easier to embrace the pain when it’s all you know anymore.”
Before I even begin to explain this quote, let me tell you a story.
There once was a girl named Haylee, and she was standing on the roof a building, preparing to jump. She wasn’t going to do it out of ‘hopelessness’ or because she was “psychotically depressed.” She would only jump for the same reason any one of us would jump out of the window of a burning building, realizing that we’re on the 22nd floor, and that there’s no other option. Depression is invisible agony, an internal battle. It is the suffering of the human soul, the human spirit.
Imagine this: you’re immortal, but you’re trapped in a burning building that’s slowly collapsing. Soon, you’re caught on fire, but this fire, it lasts for a really long time. As time passes, different parts of your body are burned, scarred and tortured by the fire, but you can’t die, so you live through it and feel it eating away at your body. This is what depression is.
At a certain point, the flames got too hot for Haylee, and she realized that to her, the concept of death, although terrifying, seemed slightly less terrible than the idea of being trapped in a burning building that wouldn’t let her die. She couldn’t picture living her nightmare day after day.
A man named Tom walks by the burning building and sees Haylee on the roof, realizing she’s about to jump. He’s yelling “Don’t do it!” While trying to figure out a way to get to her in time, to save her. Here’s the thing, though. Tom can’t understand ‘the jump’, no one can. Something always gets lost in translation, because we can’t fully understand what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes. When he finally manages to find a way up to the roof, he stands beside her, looking down, being just as scared as she is.
Now, the building is collapsing even faster, and both of them only have a few seconds to make a choice. Stay and allow life to take its natural course, or jump and end it. “I want to have control over this, at least this.” Haylee says, jumping. Tom screams “No!” Looking down at the falling body.
It’s fear that drove Haylee to jump, and in many ways, we’re a lot like her. The more we fear something or someone, the more time we’ll put in trying to get away from it, because we don’t want to know what’ll happen when our fears become part of our reality.
How did Tom’s story end? Well, it’s not about the ending. We never know why someone does what they choose to do. We only know for sure that their actions have consequences. See, sometimes, it isn’t about choosing bad vs. good. it’s about choosing the lesser of the two battles. The biggest question here is “What prevented Haylee from doing the unthinkable?” What prevents us from doing the unthinkable, from stepping out into the light, out of darkness? Ideology, I suppose, but beyond that, we’re not privy to that information.
See, what I’m trying to say here is that we’re all going to have to make difficult choices in life. Every choice we make will change our reality and bring in new experiences that will define who we are and who we will become.
Don’t stop now, because if you do, you’ll never know how far you could have gone. Our beliefs are powerful, and they can either work for us or against us. It depends on what we tell ourselves. You’re worthy and strong, lovable and capable. You’re not a machine, so don’t be so hard on yourself. Remember that everything is subject to change. The pain you feel now will pass.
The more we say something to ourselves, the more we’re going to believe it, eventually. It’s important that we choose our words and control our thoughts with caution and love.
It is never to late to redirect the path of your reality and happiness.
PLEASE: if any of you need someone to reach out to, know that there are people who care about you. Here are some really useful sources for those in crisis.
Suicide Hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline): https://www.rainn.org/
7 Cups of Tea (Talk online for free to Listeners or find a therapist): https://www.7cups.com/
As Amy Morin says: being mentally strong doesn’t mean you won’t have negative thoughts. It means you won’t give those thoughts power over you.
Remember that there is always a second option, and you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to, but not EVERYTHING. We all need help, sometimes, and that’s totally okay. Humans are meant to work as a team. It’s how the world survives.