You read the title right- it’s okay to be self-centered. At this point you probably think I am crazy, narcissistic, or a bad mixture of both. Well, I’m not, because as outlandish as that statement sounds- I have rationale behind it.
I for one, enjoy helping others- I love the joy and relief that comes over someone’s face when my advice or assistance has made their day better. In fact, I was known as the “dependable one” or the “mom” of my group. I had this need to constantly fix everyone’s problems, do their errands, drop what I was doing to make sure that what they had to do was all squared away. But it got to the point where some friendships were not looked at as friendships anymore- rather like I was their personal assistant at their beck and call.
When something was going on and I needed someone to hear me out, it was almost as if I shouldn’t be feeling that way because their life was harder than mine. I caved because they were my friends- I mean they obviously knew what was best for me. But that was the problem- me didn’t know what was best for me.
I have this morbid saying- you are there with yourself from the day you are born to the day you die. Yes, the saying is harsh but true- you are with yourself throughout your whole life, why not treat yourself, your dreams, ideas, and feelings with some respect?
I luckily put my foot down- I knew my worth, and I also knew the respect I showed my friends should be a two way street. I spoke up, and acted on what made me hurt, what made me happy among other things. Unfortunately, I lost some friends because of this and while it was tough, I found something even more important- my voice.
Sometimes, we need to focus on our needs and it’s okay. You owe it to yourself to be kind and be your own best advocate because you deserve a kick- ass life! That’s what I call good selfish.
But…what’s good selfish? Is that even a thing?
Yes. Yes it is.
Good Selfish: This is the selfish that people have when they want to improve their life for the better. That could mean a variety of things- health, grades, or personal worth. Sometimes you just need a break from the craziness we call life and you need to evaluate things. Or sometimes you need a nap after a long day at work and you simply don’t have the energy or time to help your friend out. Or maybe, you need to study for that important final and while driving your friend to that store would help them out- you are on a time crunch.
This isn’t to say you reject any time a friend needs help- because they genuinely could need it. But, if it’s a simple task you simply just can’t do- any friend would understand your dilemma and find another way to face it. Good selfish people like helping others, but also know what is best for themselves and when to say no. They know that their motives aren’t manipulative or hurtful, and that their motives not only improves themselves but in turn others around them.
It took me a long time to realize this but when I found out what I wanted to do for me, I gained a new sense of self and what I wanted to do with my life. I’m not saying this will be easy- because anything worth something isn’t easy but once you stop living for others and start living for yourself, you’d be surprised as to how much can fall into place.
Give yourself the “golden rule” treatment. You deserve it.