146+ Best Lemony Snicket Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Daniel Handler is an American writer and musician. Profoundly inspirational Lemony Snicket quotes will encourage growth in life, make you wiser and broaden your perspective.

If you’re searching for deep quotes by authors that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of quotes from Isaac Asimov, amazing A. A. Milne quotes and top Aeschylus quotes.

Famous Lemony Snicket Quotes

Others believe that the world can be decoded by reading a newspaper. In my case, the only thing that made sense of the world was you, and without you the world will seem as garbled and tragic as a malfunctioning typewrit9. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you if you never marry at all, and never have children, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all, and I must say that on late, cold nights I prefer this scenario out of all the scenarios I have mentioned. That, Beatrice, is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way. – Lemony Snicket

The best way to keep a secret is to tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding. – Lemony Snicket

Wicked people never have time for reading. It’s one of the reasons for their wickedness. – Lemony Snicket

If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf. – Lemony Snicket

As I am sure you know, when people say ‘It’s my pleasure,’ they usually mean something along the lines of, ‘There’s nothing on Earth I would rather do less.’ – Lemony Snicket

In a world both frightening and unlucky, there are a few comforts. One of them is making new friends. Friends can make you feel the world is smaller and safer than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences. When you meet people like that, you may find your world feels a little more complete. Like the missing piece of a puzzle or two halves of a broken spyglass. – Lemony Snicket

When trouble strikes, head to the library. You will either be able to solve the problem, or simply have something to read as the world crashes down around you. – Lemony Snicket

The three siblings were not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case, welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life. – Lemony Snicket

Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong. – Lemony Snicket

It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice cream sandwiches. – Lemony Snicket

Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of ‘systematically assisting Sisyphus’s stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister,’ which is easier done than said. – Lemony Snicket

The sea is nothing but a library of all the tears in history. – Lemony Snicket

Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure. – Lemony Snicket

Being lonely is OK, and not everyone has to like you. You can’t always rely on people. – Lemony Snicket

I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you if you cut your hair and I will love you if you cut the hair of others. I will love you if you abandon your baticeering, and I will love you if you retire from the theater to take up some other, less dangerous occupation. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you until every fire is extinguished and rebuilt from the handsomest and most susceptible of woods. I will love you until the bird hates a nest and the worm hates an apple. I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close… I will love you until your face is fogged by distant memory. – Lemony Snicket

It is often difficult to admit that someone you love is not perfect, or to consider aspects of a person that are less than admirable. – Lemony Snicket

The best strategy for a job interview is to be fairly honest, because the worst thing that can happen is that you won’t get the job and will spend the rest of your life foraging for food in the wilderness and seeking shelter underneath a tree or the awning of a bowling alley that has gone out of business. – Lemony Snicket

It may be difficult to believe, but, at any given moment, someone somewhere is in a dangerous situation and other people in some other place are dancing and having a good time. The world is often like this. A celebration here, terrible trouble just outside the door. – Lemony Snicket

One should never ignore bullies. One should stop them. – Lemony Snicket

Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. – Lemony Snicket

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter. – Lemony Snicket

‘I’m not a stranger,’ I said, and pointed to his book. ‘I’m someone who reads the same authors you do.’ – Lemony Snicket

When things don’t go right, go left. – Lemony Snicket

Sometimes words are not enough. – Lemony Snicket

You’ll have to help yourself – Lemony Snicket

Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them. – Lemony Snicket

The moral of Snow White is never eat apples. – Lemony Snicket

Marriage is like sharing a root beer float, or agreeing to be the back half of a horse costume. Even when it’s happening onstage, you should only do it with the people you love. – Lemony Snicket

Do the scary thing first, and get scared later. – Lemony Snicket

Unless you have been very, very lucky, you have undoubtedly experienced events in your life that have made you cry. So unless you have been very, very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit. – Lemony Snicket

Sitting with friends, talking about something important is one of the most powerful and necessary forces in the world. It is the way so many noble organizations begin, with a conversation between associates or even brothers. – Lemony Snicket

It is terribly rude to tell people that their troubles are boring. – Lemony Snicket

Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something. – Lemony Snicket

Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble. – Lemony Snicket

One of the remarkable things about love is that, despite very irritating people writing poems and songs about how pleasant it is, it really is quite pleasant. – Lemony Snicket

Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows, they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason. – Lemony Snicket

A good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit. – Lemony Snicket

But I must admit I miss you quite terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby. I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept. – Lemony Snicket

A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded. – Lemony Snicket

What happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for that location, just as ink can stain a white sheet. You can wash it, and wash it, and still never forget what has transpired – a word which here means ‘happened, and made everybody sad’. – Lemony Snicket

I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept, probably because I have been reading almost the entire time. – Lemony Snicket

Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has not been stabbed with both. – Lemony Snicket

Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother’s wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women. – Lemony Snicket

There are some who say that you should forgive everyone, even the people who have disappointed you immeasurably. There are others who say you should not forgive anyone, and should stomp off in a huff no matter how many times they apologize. Of these two philosophies, the second one is of course much more fun, but it can also grow exhausting to stomp off in a huff every time someone has disappointed you, as everyone disappoints everyone eventually, and one can’t stomp off in a huff every minute of the day. – Lemony Snicket

Having a brilliant idea isn’t as easy as turning on a light. But just as a single bulb can illuminate even the most depressing of rooms, the right idea can shed light on a depressing situation. – Lemony Snicket

It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing and keep being told that you mean something else, it can make you want to scream. But somewhere in the world there is a place for all of us, whether you are an electric form of decoration, peppermint-scented sweet, a source of timber, or a potato pancake. – Lemony Snicket

Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn’t mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold. – Lemony Snicket

Some things in life are difficult to understand, even after years and years of thinking about them while wandering alone through desolate landscapes, usually during the off-season. – Lemony Snicket

If you are interested in stories with happy endings, then you would be better off somewhere else. In this story, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning, and very few happy things in the middle. – Lemony Snicket

Taking one’s chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat, and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. – Lemony Snicket

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too. – Lemony Snicket

Sometimes the things you’ve lost can be found again in unexpected places. – Lemony Snicket

All the secrets of the world are contained in books. Read at your own risk. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you as a thief loves a gallery and as a crow loves a murder, as a cloud loves bats and as a range loves braes. I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong. – Lemony Snicket

I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see. – Lemony Snicket

Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you’d see. – Lemony Snicket

It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing. – Lemony Snicket

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can agree what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear. – Lemony Snicket

A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called ‘The Road Less Traveled’, describing a journey he took through the woods along a path most travelers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peaceful but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervous as he went along, because if anything happened on the road less traveled, the other travelers would be on the road more frequently traveled and so couldn’t hear him as he cried for help. Sure enough, that poet is dead. – Lemony Snicket

The way sadness works is one of the strange riddles of the world. – Lemony Snicket

Well-read people are less likely to be evil. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and all the secrets have gone gasping into the world. I will love you until all the codes and hearts have been broken and until every anagram and egg has been unscrambled. – Lemony Snicket

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a babyawkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. – Lemony Snicket

There’s nothing wrong with occasionally staring out the window and thinking nonsense, as long as the nonsense is yours. – Lemony Snicket

If we wait until we’re ready we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives. Let’s go. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you as we grow older, which has just happened, and has happened again, and happened several days ago, continuously, and then several years before that, and will continue to happen as the spinning hands of every clock and the flipping pages of every calendar mark the passage of time, except for the clocks that people have forgotten to wind and the calendars that people have forgotten to place in a highly visible area. I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close that we could slip the curved straw, and the long, slender spoon, between our lips and fingers respectively. I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from skim to zero, and until your face is fogged by distant memory, and your memory faced by distant fog, and your fog memorized by a distant face, and your distance distanced by the memorized memory of a foggy fog. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, no matter where you avoid and who you don’t see, and no matter who sees you avoiding where you go. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this, and no matter how I am discovered after what happens to me happens to me as I am discovering this. I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else – your co-star, perhaps, or Y., or even O., or anyone Z. through A., even R. although sadly I believe it will be quite some time before two women can be allowed to marry – and I will love you if you have a child, and I will love you if you have two children, or three children, or even more, although I personally think three is plenty, and I will love you if you never marry at all, and never have children, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all, and I must say that on late, cold nights I prefer this scenario out of all the scenarios I have mentioned. That… is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way. – Lemony Snicket

It is so rare in this world to meet a trustworthy person who truly wants to help you, and finding such a person can make you feel warm and safe, even if you are in the middle of a windy valley high up in the mountains. – Lemony Snicket

A successful villain should have all these things at his or her villainous fingertips, or else give up villainy altogether and try to lead a life of decency, integrity, and kindness, which is much more challenging and noble, if not always quite as exciting. – Lemony Snicket

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator. – Lemony Snicket

To Beatrice – My love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you as the beard loves the chin, and the crumbs love the beard, and the damp napkin loves the crumbs, and the precious document loves the dampness in the napkin, and the squinting eye of the reader loves the smudged print of the document, and the tears of sadness love the squinting eye as it misreads what is written. – Lemony Snicket

There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one’s hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs. – Lemony Snicket

Friends can make you feel that the world is smaller and less sneaky than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences. – Lemony Snicket

Don’t repeat yourself. It’s not only repetitive, it’s redundant, and people have heard it before. – Lemony Snicket

Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation. – Lemony Snicket

If you feel…that well-read people are less likely to be evil, and a world full of people sitting quietly with good books in their hands is preferable to world filled with schisms and sirens and other noisy and troublesome things, then every time you enter a library you might say to yourself, ‘The world is quiet here,’ as a sort of pledge proclaiming reading to be the greater good. – Lemony Snicket

The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught. – Lemony Snicket

I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong. – Lemony Snicket

There are many difficult things in this world to hide, but a secret is not one of them. – Lemony Snicket

Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it would be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house, and eat it. – Lemony Snicket

When you read an enormous number of books, you are going to learn a great deal of information that might not be useful for a long time. But then, suddenly, like a strike of lightning or a grand piano falling out of a window, an opportunity arises to use the information gleaned from even the most unlikely piece of reading. – Lemony Snicket

When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them. – Lemony Snicket

Sooner or later, everyone’s story has an unfortunate event or two… the solution, of course, is to stay as far away from the world as possible and lead a safe, simple life. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you if you have a child, and I will love you if you have two children, or three children, or even more, although I personally think three is plenty, and I will love you if you never marry at all, and never have children, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all, and I must say that on late, cold nights I prefer this scenario out of all the scenarios I have mentioned. That… is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way. – Lemony Snicket

If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. – Lemony Snicket

People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp… I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and all the secrets have gone gasping into the world. – Lemony Snicket

Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so. – Lemony Snicket

A good library will never be too neat, or too dusty, because somebody will always be in it, taking books off the shelves and staying up late reading them. – Lemony Snicket

Life never end when you are in it. – Lemony Snicket

The phrase ‘in the dark,’ which I’m sure you know, can refer to not only one’s shadowy surroundings, but also to the secrets which might be surrounding you, too. Every day, the sun goes down over all of these secrets, so everyone is in the dark in one way or another. – Lemony Snicket

There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself. – Lemony Snicket

You can invent things like automatic popcorn poppers. You can invent things like steam-powered window washers. But you can’t invent more time. – Lemony Snicket

At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey. – Lemony Snicket

But in my case, the only thing that made sense of the world was you, and without you the world will seem…garbled and tragic [and] malfunctioning… – Lemony Snicket

It is one of life’s bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting. – Lemony Snicket

In my experience, Well-read people are less likely to be evil. – Lemony Snicket

Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily. – Lemony Snicket

They say in every library there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind. – Lemony Snicket

It is a lonely feeling when someone you care about becomes a stranger. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you no matter how many mistakes I make when trying to reduce fractions, and no matter how difficult it is to memorize the periodic table. I will love you no matter what your locker combination was, or how you decided to spend your time during study hall. – Lemony Snicket

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, ‘Well this isn’t too bad, I don’t have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I’m left-handed or right-handed,’ but most of us would say something more along the lines of, ‘Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!’ – Lemony Snicket

I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else your co-star, perhaps, or Y., or even O., or anyone Z. through A., even R. Although sadly I believe it will be quite some time before two women can be allowed to marry and I will love you if you have a child, and I will love you if you have two children, or three children, or even more, although I personally think three is plenty, and I will love you if you never marry at all, and never have children, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all, and I must say that on late, cold nights I prefer this scenario out of all the scenarios I have mentioned. – Lemony Snicket

Everything. A letter may be coded, and a word may be coded. A theatrical performance may be coded, and a sonnet may be coded, and there are times when it seems the entire world is in code. Some believe that the world can be decoded by performing research in a library. – Lemony Snicket

They didn’t understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don’t understand doesn’t mean it isn’t so. – Lemony Snicket

Trouble and strife can cover this world like the dark of night, or like smoke from a suspicious fire. And when that happens, all good, true and decent people know that it’s time to volunteer. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. – Lemony Snicket

If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it. – Lemony Snicket

It is one of the peculiar truths of life that people often say things that they know full well are ridiculous. – Lemony Snicket

At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. – Lemony Snicket

Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps. – Lemony Snicket

People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict. – Lemony Snicket

Normally it is not polite to go into somebody’s room without knocking, but you can make an exception if the person is dead, or pretending to be dead. – Lemony Snicket

Nobody wants to fall into a safety net, because it means the structure in which they’ve been living is in a state of collapse and they have no choice but to tumble downwards. However, it beats the alternative. – Lemony Snicket

What is bad news to one person might be good news to someone else. And sometimes, what seems like good news might actually be something full of sadness, misery, and grief. – Lemony Snicket

Happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is something surprising each time you encounter it. – Lemony Snicket

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. – Lemony Snicket

You know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit. – Lemony Snicket

It doesn’t matter if you never see someone again, I told myself. There are millions of people in the world, and most of them never see each other in the first place. You hoped to know Ellington Feinr forever, but there’s no such thing as forever, really. Everything is much shorter than that. – Lemony Snicket

There is no point in delaying crying. Sadness is like having a vicious alligator around. You can ignore it for only so long before it begins devouring things and you have to pay attention. – Lemony Snicket

Perhaps the hardest part of life on the lam is that you have to keep moving, often in a direction that seems wrong, dangerous or an agonizing combination of both. – Lemony Snicket

Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries. – Lemony Snicket

Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when you acquire it, but there may be situations when it will not come in handy at all. – Lemony Snicket

There are times when the entire world seems wrong. The way a reptile room without any reptiles seems wrong. The way a bookshelf without any books seems wrong. Or a loved one’s house without the loved one. – Lemony Snicket

If you have ever lost a friend, you know that it makes your world feel incomplete, like a puzzle with a piece missing, or one half of a broken spyglass. – Lemony Snicket

All nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day. – Lemony Snicket

It is likely I will die next to a pile of things I was meaning to read. – Lemony Snicket

Unless you are a murderer or a taxidermist, it is rare to have actual skeletons in your closet as opposed to metaphorical ones. – Lemony Snicket

I will love you with no regard to the actions of our enemies or the jealousies of actors. I will love you with no regard to the outrage of certain parents or the boredom of certain friends. I will love you no matter what is served in the world’s cafeterias or what game is played at each and every recess. – Lemony Snicket

Sometimes life feels like some dismal story presented as entertainment by some cruel and invisible author. It isn’t a pleasant way to feel. But what choice do we have? – Lemony Snicket

All cannot be lost when there is still so much being found. – Lemony Snicket

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like. – Lemony Snicket

There is a kind of crying I hope you have not experienced, and it is not just crying about something terrible that has happened, but a crying for all of the terrible things that have happened, not just to you but to everyone you know and to everyone you don’t know and even the people you don’t want to know, a crying that cannot be diluted by a brave deed or a kind word, but only by someone holding you as your shoulders shake and your tears run down your face. – Lemony Snicket

Sometimes a story ends before it’s over with unanswered questions, unresolved plots, lingering suspense, blanketing the world like snow. Or like smoke from a suspicious fire. – Lemony Snicket

No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don’t read is often as important as what you do read. – Lemony Snicket

If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means ‘flunk’. – Lemony Snicket

It had been a long day, and I don’t mind saying that I cried a little bit. There is nothing wrong with crying at the end of a long day. – Lemony Snicket

I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies. – Lemony Snicket

If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke. – Lemony Snicket

What happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for it, just as ink can stain a white sheet of paper. You can never forget what transpired in that place just as words in ink can never be unwritten. – Lemony Snicket

It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and re-adjust the way you thought of things. – Lemony Snicket

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