40+ Best Lenny Bruce Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Leonard Alfred Schneider, better known by his stage name Lenny Bruce, was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, and satirist. He was widely esteemed by artists and intellectuals and, after his death, emerged as a cultural icon among advocates of free speech and political humour. Funniest quotes and jokes by Lenny Bruce will fire up your brain and inspire you to look at life differently while making you laugh.

If you’re searching for inspirational quotes by famous comedians that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of hilarious Mitch Hedberg quotes, funny Rodney Dangerfield quotes, and Eric Andre quotes.

Most Famous Lenny Bruce Quotes

Life is a four-letter word.

In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls.

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.

I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.

I’ll die young, but it’s like kissing God.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Every group needs a comedian.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.

If you can’t say F*ck you can’t say, F*ck the government.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

Communism is like one big phone company.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can’t fake it… try to fake three laughs in an hour – ha ha ha ha ha – they’ll take you away, man. You can’t.

I hate small towns because once you’ve seen the cannon in the park there’s nothing else to do.

There are never enough ‘I love you’s.

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they’re gone.

The ‘what should be’ never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no ‘what should be,’ there is only what is.

I’m not a comedian. And I’m not sick. The world is sick, and I’m the doctor. I’m a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.

When you’re eight years old, nothing is any of your business.

Funny Lenny Bruce Quotes

I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

These days, it’s not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.

I hate small towns because once you’ve seen the cannon in the park there’s nothing else to do.

A lot of people say to me, ‘Why did you kill Christ?’ I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.

What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

Today, I give my daughter what I really didn’t have as a kid: all the silly, dumb, extravagant, frilly, nonfunctional toys I can force on her. She probably wants an encyclopedia.

The ‘What should be’ never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no ‘What should be,’ there is only what is.

There’s a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can’t make any bread helping the poor.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.

You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable… nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I’m playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can’t fake it… try to fake three laughs in an hour – ha ha ha ha ha – they’ll take you away, man. You can’t.

My only challenge was to tell my truth, man… figure out what I had to say.

It’s the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness.

I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.

The what should be never did exist, but people keep tying to live up to it. There is no what should be, there is only what it is.

Just because some jackass is an Atheist doesn’t mean that his prophets and Gods are any less false.

Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.

If you live in New York, then, whether you’re a hundred times a Catholic, you’re still a Jew.

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