“Let’s be honest here…” “In my honest opinion..” Honesty often must be conjured. Politicians put their hands on a book to conjure honesty. Your parents had to pull the honesty out of you when you were a child.
Why does being honest feel like such an enormous weight?
With honesty comes accountability. Accountability is the acceptance of one’s own actions or consequences as their own. You have to be responsible for yourself! Our parents have told us this many many times. We all have avoided trouble with our parents by lying about something we did. Once they found out, which they normally would, you would get into even more trouble! Retrospectively we see that being honest the first time was the best option. So why don’t people do it? Sometimes the environment we grow up in isn’t nurturing to or educational about honesty. For some people being honest was a liability for them. Being exposed to that sort of environment sets you up for a life of dishonesty. There are many reasons to justify our dishonesty.
Here’s a short poem I wrote about lying:
We lie to survive,we lie to deceive.
We lie to get ahead,we lie to appease.
Growing up in an environment that does not nurture honesty creates an illusion that lying will serve you better. Some people would rather be lied to than told the truth. Some people equate telling the truth with being impolite or unsympathetic. Honesty is supposed to be natural for us but we’ve given in to superficial behaviors. Not being honest to appease somebody, or not being honest to protect a sense of trust. I sold myself out for idealistic situations many a time. I would avoid being honest to maintain friendships, or to be appealing. When I was younger I thought the real me was an awkward and embarrassing person. I really disassociated in any type of situation that called for me to be myself. I wasn’t being honest with myself so how could I imagine being honest with others? I wanted to be honest but I was scared to take accountability for my actions, even in my adulthood.
If we want a life that is a true reflection of our desires and character then we must be accountable.
We must be accountable for our current situation. How do we get out of this lie we have constructed for ourselves? Where accountability truly set in for me was when I realized that I’ve been living another life. Not being my true self. A part of being accountable for your destiny is being honest about your thoughts and feelings regardless of how it may impact others. Many of us get stuck operating in the image that others have created for us. There’s a term in therapy, “foreign installment”. A thought or feeling that was not originally your own but you have accepted it nonetheless. We pick these things up from our parents, or our peers. People then end up going with the crowd which erodes any sense of personal accountability. We have to be honest with ourselves to get through the hard times. We have to accept our current situation as our doing, and also accept that we are the only ones to change it.
You got you into this mess, so to speak.
Now that’s tough to swallow!
To accept that I could be the culprit of my own undoing was painful. It is hard but it must be accepted. Take ownership for wherever you are in life. It takes courage to be responsible. If you take responsibility for the good times in your life, take ownership of the hard times. The hard times are character building times, learning times, times to grow personally. When you’re accountable you can find meaning in every situation of your life. If you’re in a slump or its your most prosperous year, you must take accountability. Most of us curse bad luck, point fingers, and victimize ourselves when things don’t go our way. Honest and accountable people accept their circumstances as reflections of their own actions. They hold themselves accountable as the only person to manifest their surroundings. The hard situations are for growth and development, and once you experience those, you will fully appreciate the good situations.
Be accountable for the good situations too. See the great times as a showing of what the universe has to offer you in reward for you being yourself. Don’t say, “I was just lucky”, or “it was a coincidence”. No! Take ownership of your power to manifest the things you want out of life.
You are responsible for how you feel. Keep this in mind next time you feel urged to engage into an argument. How will this effect you? Be honest. Be accountable. Does this matter to you? If not, then step away from the situation. It’s easy to be goaded into arguments, but you must be accountable for your mood. If you’re being accountable for your mood that day, choose to stay away from that stress.
A thing that gets in the way of accountability is ego. Your ego can create false reflections of your true intentions. Ego can trump honesty. Consider detaching yourself from ego. Try to look at the situation from above yourself, take the defensiveness, expectations, and fear out of the scenario and see your conflicts as lessons. By being accountable and honest with yourself you will earn self-respect, and in turn, the respect of others.
Being honest and accountable puts you in control of your life. When faced with a challenge, see it as a life lesson. What you learn is that you are powerful, and that you can get out of or into any situation. You can manifest any dream or desire you want.
I believe the true you is calling.