At first I wanted to post a photo of a random woman levitating above ground in some meadow so that you can have an idea of how I feel. However, that isn’t my type of art. Writing is. So I guess I will better explain it that way.
I am in the stage of my life that I dreamed of as a child. I live with my boyfriend, I am attending graduate school, I have a full time job, all the good stuff right? There should be no issue there. However, in “reality” I am “set” but truthfully I have never been more overwhelmed than I am now. I am so overwhelmed that I feel as if I have fallen off a building. Depending on my thoughts and emotions I either fall at faster speed or just levitate/float in the middle of nowhere. So much has changed that the couple branches I can grab, slip from my grip. All of this does not mean I am unhappy. On the contrary I have never been more at peace; peace equals happiness (to me at least). I seem to panic over finding out more about myself, and finding out more about me only happens when I am perfectly still. What that means is, forgetting the ego, my pride, my stresses, all the things we are “expected to follow” as a normal functioning member of “society”.
Last night I had a dream that I was literally jumping from buildings, trying to get as far away as possible from my past. When I tried to access a specific building, two men kept fighting me. I was jumping off the walls and all that. What that means to me is that my ego (the two men) is telling me to go back. ME being me (my soul) I say no. Leave me alone. I don’t want to lurk in the past anymore. I want to move away from all of that because the past is the past! Granted, I generally don’t believe in “time”, but to live in this world, in society, I must follow those rules. I can get around it though, but I refuse to go back to what let me go, what hurt me, and what hurt my soul not just my ego.