30+ Best Lewis Grizzard Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Lewis McDonald Grizzard Jr. was an American writer and humorist, known for his Southern demeanor and commentary on the American South. He recalled the mythic South with folksy humor and nostalgia.

If you’re searching for amazing quotes by greatest authors that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of Tom Wolfe quotes, wise Dorothy Parker quotes, and famous Harlan Ellison quotes.

Most Famous Lewis Grizzard Quotes

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

I stopped being interested in pro football when I looked around and Johnny Unitas with his high top black shoes was gone.

Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.

I gave 738 Rotary Club speeches, and it was just driving me crazy, so someone said, ‘Why don’t you charge money?’

I began a personal boycott of the Falcons and pro football in the late ’70s.

Elvis is dead and I don’t feel good for myself.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wiggle out of one.

“Life”, he wrote, “I do love that word.”

Things are more complex today, and I think humor has changed a great deal. People are more sensitive today.

I learned the first rule about barbeque… you don’t put coleslaw in it. I think that’s in Deuteronomy somewhere.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did, someone else would own the orchard.

I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now.

A lot of people won’t listen to old men. A lot of people are stupid.

Inspirational Lewis Grizzard Quotes

Springtime is the land awakening. The March winds are the morning yawn.

I know lots of people that are educated far beyond their intelligence.

I was raised to think women had babies, stayed at home, and men worked. By the time I got ready to do it, I thought I had all the answers. Only somebody had changed the questions.

Real estate agents are God’s plague on mankind when locusts are out of season.

I am not about to say that what I put in my body has nothing whatsoever to do with my health, but I suddenly am surrounded by a world of health experts, and it gets tiresome.

When my love comes back from the ladies’ room, will I be too old to care?

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

There is no such thing as being too Southern.

It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

I gave it up when Dandy Don left Monday Night Football when television replays were allowed to contradict the decisions of referees…

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi.

I am convinced ginger ale can heal the sick and raise the dead.

Let’s all start walking more and driving less.

Chilli dawgs always bark at night.

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

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