Monsters of Emotion

When the monster of irritation  rears its head daily it tends to wear the girl down.  Even when the monster isn’t chasing her it’s around lurking there peering out through green eyes. Simple interactions make the monster wake and growl, even the smallest of growls sends fear down her spine. What has she done now to upset the monster? What didn’t she do that upset him? What can she do to make him relax? Is it her? Is it him? Is the monster’s owner unhappy? Did she create that unhappiness? Sometimes the monster in her awakens after days of hearing the foreign monster growl. Her own personal monster can only take so much; it comes out swinging. Then her words get mixed up as her monster trips over the fear that is choking her. Old default methods appear trying to calm herself down. Mostly when those fail her monster of anger lashes out, it’s trying to protect her from more hurt and disappointment.

Living a life walking on eggshells she gets weary, leaning on her own various monsters to shelter herself. Accepting responsibility is hard for the foreign monster, accepting that over blown irritation isn’t needed in every situation. This  is a lesson it hasn’t yet learned. Will it change? Will it always lash out? The man behind that monster is a great man, a man worthy of praise and admiration, why does he hide behind that hideous monster? Is it really the small things causing the monster to rear his head? Or is it simply something else lurking in the shadows? Does he even realize how it wears his partner down?

She hates the person she is when her own monster appears, but it’s her protects her, she can’t let it go. Is that just an excuse for her? She knows she can only be responsible for herself.  She lays down trying to  figure out her own reluctance to release her monsters. Will it matter? Is it even worth the effort to back off the green eyes monster of her partner. Words fly around her swirling in her brain. She can’t calm them, she can’t understand why he just can’t step out from behind his monster. Is it protecting him from something? She wishes she knew, if she knew then she  could help him deal with whatever it is. In essence help him save himself from destruction. Help save them both from the destruction of their relationship. Ah, that is the kingpin right there, the girl knows that if they both keep hiding behind their monsters the relationship will fail, intimacy is already lacking, what’s the next to go?

The man refuses to acknowledge the existence of the monster. Unfortunately all she can see is that vile creature staring at her. The monster makes her partner someone he is not. Nothing can fix this, she can’t fix him. However,  she can make it better by regulating herself putting her monsters behind her. She knows her reactions are coming from the fear of the destruction these monsters have caused. Her anger is because of the refusal of the man to make the monster move back, have him come out in the light. She can’t shake her own monsters, because when she does she needs them right back to protect her from the growling green eyed one. She wants peace, love, and happiness to flow, is that just a pipe dream?

She shares with him the monsters of her own trying to help him see his. He tries so hard to see to understand her what she speaks, so she changes tactics showing him her written word. He get its ! Her heart soars knowing he is trying to understand the pain involved when monsters take over their lives. He then tells his monster to get back, she is more important to him that any monster that plagues him. Reluctantly the monster shrinks back, threating to show himself again, casting doubt in his owner. It’s then when she sees, he is afraid, afraid to love her completely, afraid she will be gone. She sees he is scared of being abandoned, his monster protects him from that horrid fate. Her heart breaks a little bit that day. She would never leave, she loves him no matter what. The seeping scars of his past created this monster, she know knows what she needs to do. Kill her own monsters, free herself of the chains of her past to help him break free. He must help himself she knows, but she can help show him the way. She puts on her armor to wage war against the bleeding wounds of his past.

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