The morning after losing my beautiful daughter at 33 weeks pregnant, I sat in my hospital bed staring at the wall in front of me unsure of how this had become my reality. Watching my husband as he slept next to me, I knew that this was going to be a long road for us. Each month that followed seemed to posses new feelings that were unfamiliar and not easy to process. I fought hard with myself, with the emotional pain that surged through every cell in my body. It was only until almost a year after losing my baby that I finally realized I couldn’t live in the grief anymore and that it would no longer define me. I was determined to be defined by the women that found light in such a dark time.
I have always thought of myself as a spiritual person that connected with the energy of the universe and knew the power in meditation because I had used it before in my life. While grieving my daughter I found every excuse in the book not to meditate. Simply because shutting off my mind was somewhat unattainable. After suffering for that year in the dark, I knew I no longer could do it and started meditating as frequently as I could. The results I had were absolutely amazing. Coupled with yoga, I found that light inside of me again. The dark clouds that had weighed heavily over me parted and I felt more free then I had EVER felt in my life.
After meditating, the anger I had felt, the shame I had been experiencing and the overall pain from losing my daughter was starting to subside. Instead I felt hopeful. I was finally able to look at her beautiful pictures and smile, feeling so blessed that I was able to carry her for as long as I had and so honored to be her Mommy. I felt like I could do anything and the goal of helping others and touching their lives with my story became my priority.
There is something incredibly powerful sitting in silence, watching your breath and breathing deep into your soul. Feeling the weight lift off your body as you tap into the power of your true self. Your vibration effecting every cell in your body creating a natural high. What a wonderful place to be knowing you can take on the world.