A couple of days ago, a priest with the gift of healing and prophecy came to visit. Now, I’ve gone for many pray overs. People have prayed with, for and over me for all this time I’ve been debilitated with this uninviting and sickening chronic dizziness and vertigo. I had a tiny bit of hope but not too much, for I have always been shattered with disappointment each time I expect.
-He saw the hand of God upon me and assured my family and I that the Lord is with me. He said that this sickness is only temporary and that God is healing me. He is in the process of healing me, sometimes God doesn’t heal immediately but slowly.
-He pointed out that I need the spirit of obedience (haha) and I shared with him my issues with my mother since childhood and why I hated authority so much. (I’ll do a post on that sometime) I told God that this one’s gonna be real tough but I’ll do my best.
-I need to pray for a strong mind. We prayed together for me to cast out all doubts and that I would not fail the Lord. We especially emphasised on ‘strong mind’ and I know it’s because that’s where the devil always attacks me first – depression, suicidal thoughts, thoughts of killing me entire family and then myself etc.
These are the 3 main points among the few. He told me which Psalm and prayers to pray and I must say, they all pinpoint a couple of issues I have very accurately. The next day, I took out my dusty journal which I’ve kept for over 2 months now. I stopped journalling, the main form of communication I had with God. I simply felt sick and tired of praying for healing that never came. The same thing every day. I’ve kept communication and simple prayer but have been excluding my long prayer times, meditations and quiet moments with Him. I looked back on the entries since the beginning of 2016 and was assured and affirmed of my healing and also my journey which I kind of forgot about.
Here are some I will share in hopes that it will encourage and help you to pray through your illness or someone you know who is going through sickness that doctors can’t seem to figure out and cure.
28th July 2016: My entire body was in pain from top to toe on top of the dizziness. I had just come home from my chiropractors appointment and it was one of the rare days that the adjustments did not help. I was then led to these verses:
“..your wound is incurable, your injury past healing. There is no one to care for your sore, no medicine to make you well again.” – Jeremiah 30:12-13
Urm, okay God. Thanks for affirming how the doctors have given up and left clueless. Yes all this began after the injury from a prank gone wrong. The ‘wound’ mentioned, spoke to me as the emotional wounds from the people who left me when I got sick.
“..the whole head is sick, the whole heart grown faint; from the sole of the foot to the head there is not a sound spot.‘ – Isaiah 1:5-6
Yeap. Dizziness and vertigo = head. Depression and suicidal thoughts = heart. And indeed I was in pain from my toes to my head on this particular day.
“Beth: She passes her nights weeping; the tears run down her cheeks. Not one of her lovers remains to comfort her. Her friends have all betrayed her and become her enemies.” – Lamentations 1:2
Well, this one says it all pretty clear cut. So what now, God?
“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds – it is Yahweh who speaks” – Jeremiah 30:17
*cue waterfall of tears*
31st July 2016:
About God’s promise to Abraham.
“Since God promised it, Abraham refused to either deny it or even to doubt it, but drew strength from faith and gave glory to God, convinced that God had the power to do what he had promised” – Romans 4: 20-21
Yes. This is what I needed to do. God has promised me time and time again that He would heal me. I cannot doubt it. The appointed time of healing will come. I just have to be patient (which is of course, the hardest part).
29th Oct 2016:
“Another promise of recovery for Jerusalem and Judah“ –Jeremiah 33
“But look, I will hasten their recovery and cure; I will cure them and let them know peace and security in full measure..”
“… and build them as they were before”
I was living a dreadfully sinful lifestyle before. I was a party girl who served in a ministry. I was sitting on a fence. I ignored God’s promptings. It was hard to give up what I was used to. I grew up and lived in a very secular world, the bad side of the secular world which tainted my being.
“The daughter of Zion is left like a shanty in a vineyard, like a shed in a melon patch, like a besieged city. Had Yahweh not left us a few survivors, we should be like Sodom, we should now be like Gomorrah” – Isaiah 1:8-9
“..The night is almost over, it will be daylight soon – let us give up all the things we prefer to do under cover of the dark: … let us live decently as people who do in the daytime: no drunken orgies, no promiscuity or licentiousness.. forget about satisfying your bodies with all their cravings.” – Romans 13:11-14
Okay, okay, guilty as charged. Yes, if God left me in my old ways, I would self-destruct and be like Sodom and Gomorrah.
3rd December 2016: I was feeling terribly lonely and tired of the dizziness.
“Consider Abraham your father and Sarah who gave you birth. For he was all alone when I called him, but blessed and increased him.” – Isaiah 51:2
“Yes people of Zion, you will live in Jerusalem and weep no more. He will be gracious to you when He hears your cry; when He hears, He will answer. When the Lord has given you the bread of suffering and the water of distress, He who is your teacher will hide no longer and you will see your teacher with your own eyes. Whether you turn to right or left, your ears will hear these words behind you, “This is the way, follow it“. – Isaiah 30: 19-21, 23-26
4th January 2017: A reflection from somewhere. (I can’t remember)
‘Sometimes His perfect plan for our lives is to allow us to suffer and experience disease, illness and hardships. The reason for this is that He can often teach us things through suffering that we would never be able to learn through a book or seminar or through comfort and prosperity.’
God allowed this time of sickness to pull me out of the sinful lifestyle I was in. Given my stubborn-ness I would have never had the determination to pull myself out of it. What can I say, I’m a party girl and still am at heart. As time goes by, I am thankful that God pulled me out of it though it seems like a very drastic way, using sickness. However, looking at my stubborn-ness, this was the only way He could get through to me. For me to be forced to be alone with him. In silence. No partying, no drinking, smoking, crazy social lifestyle that left me no time even for myself much less God!
To all of you out there, you may not have had a lifestyle like mine, but I just wish to let you know that there IS a reason for everything that happens. Even the horrible ones. Spend time with God, what is He trying to tell you? He wishes to speak to you.
“Let us strive to enter into that rest” – Hebrews 4:11
‘God rested on the 7th day by revealing himself to his creations, Adam and Eve and showing them the plans He had for them. They must have felt refreshed hearing Him speak to them too.
This is the kind of rest God is offering you.
Be kind to one another,
Tweet me @Godvsdepression