43+ Best Roast Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Profoundly inspirational roast quotes will encourage growth in life, make you wiser and broaden your perspective.

Famous Roast Quotes

Where’s your off button?

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

I’m not shy. I just don’t like you

 I may love to shop but I will never buy your bull.

My hair straightener is hotter than you

I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.

I have heels higher than your standards

Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?

You have more faces than Mount Rushmore

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.

I’m jealous of people who don’t know you

It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.

You’re entitled to your incorrect opinion

 I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.

I’m visualizing duck tape over your mouth

I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.

You’re the reason I prefer animals to people

I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents

I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?

I’d smack you, but that would be animal abuse

Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.

You sound reasonable Time to up my medication

 Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?

Hey, I found your nose, it’s in my business again!

Please just tell me you don’t plan to home school your kids.

I might be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.

 You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.

My middle finger gets a boner every time I see you

 If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.

Is there an app I can download to make you disappear?

 You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

90% of your ‘beauty’ could be removed with a Kleenex

Where’d you get your clothes, girl, American Apparently Not?

The people who know me the least have the most to say

You’re not stupid! You just have bad luck when you’re thinking.

I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm

 I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.

I didn’t change. I grew up. You should try it sometime

Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege.

My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships

Your family tree must be a cactus ‘cause you’re all a bunch of pricks.