“Should’s” Can Suck The Life From You

Got your attention, huh? But, let’s lighten up, would ya’, Monique?

Ok, on a lighter tip…

“Should’s” can kill your joy, your happiness, your levity and your ability to thrive in the now moment. Not light enough? Ha ha. Come with me…

We do quite a bit of suffering around making decisions, don’t we?

“Should I take this job, or another? … Should I negotiate for a better salary or just take what they’re offering me, for now? … Should I ask her what she means by what she’s just said, or keep listening even though I don’t want to? … Should I stay here for this, or leave right now? … Should I allow him to say all of these things to me, or interrupt this barrage? … Should I defer to them, or make my own move? … Should I sell my company now, or wait for a better time? … Should I take this risk, or wait for a less riskier proposition? … Should I move on, or remain here? … Should I give myself to this person, or is there a better relationship waiting for me? … Should I…?”

We suffer in our desire for life to look a particular way…

“I should be better than this… You should do it this way… She should be kinder to me… He should really know what he’s talking about before he speaks… They should not say anything that is not proven already… I should be… prettier, kinder, braver, more conscious, more loving, more flexible, in line with others, out of the box, bigger, better, larger than life, in control, not righteous, not too boisterous, … blissful.”

The suffering may be subtle to us, but only because we’re so used to it. This is the pain we know so well around making decisions or thinking of how we want things, people, or circumstances to be, but the stress is physically impacting you far more than you know.

We suffer before the decision… “Which way should I go? What should I do?”…

We suffer after the decision… “Did I go the right way? Can I take it all back?”…

We bring others into our suffering… “You told me…? Do you know how much was riding on…?”

We suffer when we can only see things being a particular way, especially when we’re attached to what we see.

What if there was an easier way?

There is.


Learn something for yourself about surrender and begin to discover the serenity possible when we let go of needing to control our environment. These are facts… We cannot control our environment. We cannot control the people around us.

When we let go of our need to control so many things that surround us, we find that life often takes care of itself. Wait.. what is that you said? Did you just repeat to me what I used to say myself? “But life isn’t giving me what I want?” … I get it. I do.

What you need in this case are not tighter reigns. You need a greater level of surrender. And a new level of trust for life and what it is offering you. Not what you wanted to hear? Me either. Before. “Should’s” will run our lives, and run us right into the ground. The remedy? Seek out, within yourself, what it is that you are really worried about, really afraid of, so concerned might happen but hasn’t yet happened.

You have to confront what it is that you’re unsure of, at the core, because it’s the thing that keeps you in the spiral, in the cycle, in the chaos. There are people around you that can help you. There are resources around you that can help you. Reach out. Get what you need. Life is always offering a way through. You just must be cognizant, or conscious in a new way, to see what’s right in front of you.

We’re here for each other. Lean in and get what you need.

Someone said something once to me and I knew it was true, but everything in my life made it a lie. I finally resolved myself to find the truth of it, and… I did. So I say to all of you here now,

Suffering is optional.

And it is. Truth is not truth because there is something inherent in it that makes it so. Truth is truth because you find your way to your own resonance with it. Maybe you don’t ever find resonance with that sentence above, and that’s okay too. There are no “should’s” in actuality. We only make them up because we’ve learned how. They are inherited. But so is love.

Your choice.

by Monique McIntyre. Founder of The REvolution Of Bliss.com.


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