Lured by Darkness

Self-loathing has been a struggle of mine since middle school, a side effect of the new condition I began experiencing called depression. Later on, at sixteen, I developed both anxiety and orthorexia. This cocktail of mental illnesses leaves a bitter aftertaste only I can sense. My name is carved roughly into that wine glass, a … Read more

Recovering

I am recovering. I am not recovered… I am in recovery. This I believe. This I know. My recovery course is ending and while I would love to say I am recovered, that was never going to happen. I can’t recover from 50 years of disordered eating in the space of eight weeks. Unfortunately! Many … Read more

Onwards & Upwards

At the start of this 30 day challenge I was determined to write consistently about recovery and freedom – unfortunately I quickly became bored and disillusioned and haven’t been entirely consistent with that particular task. I have written every single day! But it’s not always uber cheery. And part of me certainly resents the necessity … Read more

Eye Opener

Today was an eye opening day. It began as any other Saturday – a late lie-in, snuggling with my husband, watching the sunrise through our bedroom window. With porridge in front of me and a cup of tea by my side, I logged onto my laptop and checked today’s task for the 7 Day Writing … Read more

The Starving Child

Today I awoke to the sight of little brown furry ears resting on my pillow, peering out the window at the rising sun and the clear blue autumn skies. The day held so much hope. Hope can be deceiving. It matters not how, or why, I ended up in a cycle of soul destroying binging and … Read more

Into the light of recovery

This is what recovery from an eating disorder feels like to me. I’m living in a swamp – full of mud and quicksand, snakes and leeches, dripping with potentially lethal pitfalls, occasionally sparsely populated with beautiful flowers, bouncing bunnies and exotic ferns. I’m led to an impossibly wide river of fetid black waters and on … Read more