Thanksgiving is the act of saying or showing that you are grateful, especially to God. Inspirational thanksgiving quotes will encourage you to think a little deeper than you usually would and broaden your perspective.
If you’re searching for inspirational religious quotes and encouraging Christmas quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of popular God’s love quotes, powerful good friday quotes and top God quotes.
Famous Thanksgiving Quotes
Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line. John Lyon
If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself. Mitch Hedberg
Every Thanksgiving I bring the champagne, because in my family we all know what our strengths are. Gloria Fallon
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. Craig Ferguson
I love spending Thanksgiving surrounded by all these great friends I met in the Best Buy parking lot. John Lyon
Thanksgiving: when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook. Melanie White
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! It’s the day you forget about all the fighting and division in the world and just focus on all the fighting and division in your family. Jimmy Fallon
I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. Jon Stewart
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too much. Johnny Carson
Store security stopped my wife at the door for trying to steal a butterball turkey. I had to show ID proving I’m not a butterball turkey. Just Bill
The average time for eating a Thanksgiving dinner is 12 minutes, which, incidentally, coincides with halftime. Erma Bombeck
You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, ‘Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave. Dylan Brody
Thanksgiving. It’s like we didn’t even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that everyday! Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us? Jim Gaffigan
I don’t eat pumpkin pie. It’s made from the guts of jack o lanterns, and that’s just spooky. Melanie White
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants. Kevin James
Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries, has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. Ambrose Bierce
I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car. Stephen Colbert
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. Kin Hubbard
I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal, maybe toast. Charlie Brown, A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving
I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that. Howie Mandel
Thanksgiving is America’s national chow down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. Michael Dresser
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. Phyllis Diller
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. Jay Leno
Stove Top Dressing: satisfying your craving for a big bowl full of wet onions and mush since 1957! Mike Vanatta
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. Irv Kupcinet
Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. P.J. O’Rourke
For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag. Andy Borowitz
Thanksgiving sucks where it is now. It’s too close to Christmas. We don’t need back to back holidays where we go home and sleep on a twin bed after mainlining gravy. Seth Meyers
My Thanksgiving wish is that every time someone says they ate so much they’re going to explode, they actually do. Guy Endore Kaiser
It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring. Timothy Burke
Fun Prank: Once people are finished, tell them your signature Thanksgiving Bloody Mary gets most of its’ flavor from raw turkey gizzards. Martin Munson
If you start drinking now, Thanksgiving could be a lot of fun. Conan O’Brien
I love Thanksgiving! When else can you eat too much and watch football? Except for like every weekend. Ellen DeGeneres
I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. Craig Ferguson
Would love to have just one Thanksgiving without getting into an argument during dinner that leads to me being ejected from Denny’s. Bridger Winegar
After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations. Oscar Wilde
Note to self: when they ask you what you’re thankful for, don’t just list off your prescriptions. Emily Lime
I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that. Howie Mandel
Every Thanksgiving I bring the champagne, because in my family we all know what our strengths are. Gloria Fallon
Happy Thanksgiving! This year I’m thankful that your family is so annoying you’re checking Twitter instead of talking to them. Stephen Colbert
The sweet nostalgia of Thanksgiving when we all admire Nana’s prized soup tureen, which she brought with her when she emigrated from Sears. Annie Hatfield
You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like the Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas. Joey Tribbiani
I’m thankful for each and every one of you. Now stop hiding in the broom closet reading tweets and get back with your family. Ellen DeGeneres
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. Erma Bombeck
The doctor told me I can’t drive a forklift on the medication he prescribed. And like that, my Thanksgiving is completely ruined. Bridger Winegar
Thanksgiving: when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook. Melanie White
Fun game: Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon ‘How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey? Marlebean
Finally, a Thanksgiving without a drunken uncle. Just me, my nieces and nephews and my bottle of Jack Daniels. Conan O’Brien
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before. Rita Rudner
My cooking was so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. Phyllis Diller
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be in my pants. Kevin James
Thanksgiving, the day where there’s never enough food. You can’t just have a turkey. No, there has to be roast beef or ham too. Or both. It’s the only day we have mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes. Lewis Black
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. Irv Kupcinet
I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken! Jerry Seinfeld
When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat! David Letterman
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city. George Burns
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. Rita Rudner
I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving. Joan Rivers
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status. Russell Baker
A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping. Jimmy Fallon
There are four unbroken rules when it comes to Thanksgiving: There must be turkey and dressing, cranberries, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie. John Hadamuscin
A lot of Thanksgivings have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. Kin Hubbard
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. Erma Bombeck
The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating. John Walters
On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence. William Jennings Bryan
What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? Erma Bombeck
This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults’ table. That’s ’cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate. Andre Kelley
I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it. Robert Brault
Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, ‘How long has Mom been drinking like this?’ My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, Here, kitty, kitty. David Letterman
