When in look back…. 

when i look back in time, the mistake i did in last spring still makes me sorry for myself but what makes even more disturbing is that i havent changed a bit..

And it seems like i have fallen for this mistake and now i have grown fondness for the person and have got this urge to spend so much time with him dat its almost indespicable to think of it as mistake . Whats so amazing is that how i am breaking my own vows and seems like i have become a little more prone to my own memories . I am changing, if not this . Right now i could have cried my heart out to love someone and not get the same, but for now i am satisfied, i am like the person who is adoring a flower and because i adore it so much i can’t keep it for myself .. i want to nurture it with all my heart.

It has immense strength and ofcourse i am not saying every other time i feel the same happiness.i feel very sad indeed that i never get the attention i aspire for, i may feel happy for ..

its never in my part of share, i always think.. and my friends would say, ”you got special one for you reserved in the future” . But then the question is ,what if i don’t want to wait for him in the future, i actually want to live with him in the present or drag him to the present. Its never too late to get happiess out of the box they say, but all i can say is, i haven’t got my box of surprise.

All i care now is this precious friendship that i believe is purest in its nature. I haven’t asked much from people altogether, they haven’t proved the best for me either but yes i feel a little more free and happy around him. But as he says its all temporary happiness,

The combination of my vast horizon of imaginations and his stark realities surely sparks me in a way that i may not be able to express,.to be very precise here is a instance,

As i said him the other day, ” i am surely good with words but i cant define the bond between us” . As he says i do think about you, i do care how you live, (but my care is not in my words . It may also not show in my actions. Its more in my heart.). But you see the other part in brackets is what i assume he feels like..its all of my Imagination. its like i am filling so many blanks created by him.

And to the very exact opposite pole i stand, waiting for expressing of all my heart out and sometimes it makes me emotional.. that; exactly where am i going? .why do i get so weak for my so called friend, where does the soft corner always come . I mean there was a day when i felt so useless in his life.. he said i was worst person he met .. i surely cried my heart out . But today i am all healed up and its not because he healed me .. to be very frank he didn’t tried and i guess no one ever did.

The damage one may cause to me is a different part of my heart which is there but then there stays a greater part in my life which says love people for who they are or might be .

Its never too late to be a lover you know, in my case lover of people and dats all i know . ?

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