Love is complicated, but the question of when to say “I love you” in a relationship is more complex.
Saying “I love you” for the first time is regarded as one of the highlights of a romantic relationship. That’s why it is never a child’s play. It makes you sweat like you are standing in a suffocating room, in the scorching heat of July, while it’s snowing outside and it is probably December. You get the picture, right?
So when to say I love you for the first time in your relationship? When to make the move? When will it be perfect? It seems like a scientific formula to solve but alas, love is no science otherwise, it would have been tad bit easier.
We all make imaginative scenarios in our head where our partner declares his or her love for us. Hearing I love you for the first time, from their mouth, is an inexpressible feeling. One can never put it out in words. These three words have the magic to make your relationship dive into intimacy and a deeper level of connection.
So how do you say I love you, to make it feel appropriate and not just like a rush of emotions. You don’t want it to sound reckless or desperate; you want it to be a moment, worth documenting. You want to be sure before you make the move and we are here to help you determine the right time to do so.
When to say I love you? Let’s find out.
Things to Consider When Should You Say ‘I Love You’
Before you decide when to say I love you, there are a few things that one must consider.
Firstly, is your relationship moving in the right momentum? Before you decide to express your feelings, summed up into three words, you have to gauge your relationship. Is your commitment flowing smoothly or there are extreme highs and lows, almost all the time? Does it feel beautiful or is it a rush of good and bad emotions mostly? Are you luring for attention, physical connection or are you actually bonding with the person you want to express love to? Give it time before you say the magical words. Think about it; are you loving someone or are you being in love? It might sound weird but there is a clear difference between loving someone and being in love and you might want to consider it, before saying I love you.
Of course, you can come up sweet reasons why I love you list. But, sit alone with your feeling of love. What are you expecting out of this expression? What happens if they do not reciprocate the same emotion for you? Are you willing to take it? For some people, they are unable to hold their feelings inside because it has been there for too long and they are up for a different reaction too. It is best to be in this headspace; expecting a completely opposite answer because it will be easier to register.
And lastly, before you decide to say it out loud, ask yourself; is this love?
The beginning of a relationship can be very exciting. It is full of thrill and intimacy. You are on the highs of an emotional connection and a physical spark. The hugs, the kisses, the small touches and even the deeper conversations make you want to say it all. But, love is not as easy as this. The honeymoon phase, which is initially the first 6 to 12 months of a relationship do feel heavenly and usually don’t have any arguments or extreme lows. But once you hit the lows with the spark dying out and reality hitting in, you realize whether it is love or not. If it is being in love, the lows wouldn’t be able to tear you apart.
Thus, wait for some time before you say I love. Judge your relationship before you splur out the emotions. Give it time. It is okay to take a little time in commitments, if you want them to last longer. You definitely do not have to wait for months. You will realise after a few weeks whether it is love or not. Thus, before you make the move; question yourself on an intriguingly deeper level.
What is the best way to say I love you?
There is no one formula that fits all for this. You will know which way would be best for you and your partner. Your partner will have a love language and the best way to say I love you, is to do it by using their love language, not yours. You have to make them feel special and it has to be about them.
The famous 5 love languages are known to everyone:
- Acts of service
- Words of affirmation
- Receiving gifts
- Physical touch
- Quality time
However, when you want to say I love you, it is best recommended that you say the words out and not show it. For example, if their love language is all about quality time, you might want to snuggle next to them and express how you feel, followed by anything that they would appreciate.
The only problem here is that women want to hear the magical words from men. This is because our society has set a parameter for this and women are usually scared of the reaction they might get. On the other hand, men are portrayed as strong enough to handle any reaction that might come their way.
If you are scared of rejection, you might need to articulate a discussion about how your partner feels about you. Sit down with them and express your feelings and question them about theirs. If you feel confident about your bond, you can go ahead and say I love you to them. It really doesn’t matter whether you are male or female; expressing your feelings should never be gender based. Love is a process and it should be thoroughly enjoyed by both individuals.
Can there be a wrong time to say I love you?
Well, yes! There can be a wrong time to spill the beans and say I love you. But there is nothing to be scared about. There are some situations in which you might want to hold back. Let’s have a look at them.
- Never say it too soon. You should say I love you, when you both know each other for a while now. You must learn the difference between love and lust and then take the plunge. Never say I love you within a few weeks. Explore your relationship and the potential you both have to take it to the next level.
- Don’t say I love you while being drunk or worse, while making love. Making love can really ignite your emotions and make you feel turned up. This can easily bring all your emotions to the brim and make you say I love you in a haste. Your partner is never in a clear state of mind to answer it. Thus, keep it for another time really.
- Lastly, never say I love you on text messages. Our generation needs to learn this! You can obviously have good conversations through texts but if you are planning to declare your love to a person through messages, you are not doing it right. How will you ever know the reaction of the person you just expressed the most magical emotion to? It is always best to say I love you in person. Yes, it can be scary and a bit uncomfortable to express your feelings in the open. But texts are never the right way, EVER.
What if they don’t say I love you too?
The last resort, where no one ever wants to be at; what if they don’t say I love you too? What if the reaction is not what you wanted or expected?
It might not be a really bad news as they might want time to be “sure” that they feel the same way. Or well, maybe it will be bad news and they might say that they don’t feel the same for you. In both scenarios, it is best to be well-prepared for this situation too. As mentioned before, stay in the headspace that they might not reciprocate. This is exactly why it is important to give the relationship some time.
If your partner says that they don’t feel that intimate emotion for you; you must feel proud of yourself, for saying it and acknowledging the truth. You wouldn’t have to invest more into a relationship that isn’t ready for a long term commitment.
FINAL THOUGHTS
It is never easy to say I love you. But, you can always know when to say I love you, judging your relationships scenario and your partner’s affiliation towards you. Take some time and make sure that your partner expresses his affection for you through one of the love languages before you make the jump. We hope that he/she says it back to you too!
Nice piece! 💖