What are fake noodles called? Imposter!

Do you know what the un-friendship zone is? Its that moment when you get the who is this response message after saying hello to a so-called-friend. Then you get the which Judy or which Nick is this afterwards.

I didn’t want to come across as being salty because of this past weekend so I will try limit myself.  Unfortunately, I love too much and too hard to JUST walk away from fake friends. I went through some emotionally rectifying transformations these last few days and as I attempt to move on from the trash-friends I accumulated over the years; I couldn’t stop my conscious from revealing a particular story that stems all the way back to the Mxit days. And once again, I won’t be salty about this, I will try be as funny as possible…not really!

So the theme song for this diss-post is Kodak Black “SKRT”. You may know this song but, this ain’t about a relationship with a girl; its basically my feelings towards all the fake friends I made over the years. So just think of the girl in this video as all the crap people you once called friends.

I mentioned earlier about Mxit. How Mxit was another little world of its own back when it was still popular; it was a good base to meet new people, play games and to connect. If you know me personally, you will know I talk a lot and luckily I know I’m pretty much a friendly person. And I love making new friends. In fact, I’ve met a number of friends on Mxit. And here we begin with the unfortunate main and sole character of this blog post, and we shall call them bumbulu.

Fast forward to this past Friday; I sent a message to bumbulu and this was the response: Hiiiii, who is this???? You would think that, the many i’s in “Hiiiiii” is a signal of someone who knows you or hasn’t spoken to you in a while but, nope! I have known bumbulu for six years, bumbulu slept at my house not once, not twice but, three times! Bumbulu’s parents know my parents. Is it a guy or is it a girl? I will leave that for you to decide. After responding to the who is this message, bumbulu asked which Nash is this? Unfortunately, at that moment I was suddenly possessed by the dead or is it really dead spirit of Jon Snow, in other words, I flipped the fudge out! Bumbulu is dead to me now. Its 2017 and Nash is too old to reintroduce himself to so-called-bumbulu-friends. And the outcome: bumbulu is now somewhere in the un-friendship zone; vele asifuni bumbulu!

You see where this is going? Obviously the person knows that today they will either block me or tell themselves that they don’t care about all this. You will all say but, Nash what if she doesn’t read this? My response: the mom will. This goes beyond bro code or sister code; if there is one. I personally feel that once parents refer to you and a friend as problem children then it goes beyond friendship and dare I say, I may not be perfect but, you can’t reach that level as a friend, you shouldn’t.

So let me not shoot raw bullets cause maybe I did something wrong, probably not, maybe I shit the bed one day and forgot something important, that didn’t happen either, so if I ever did something wrong to offend your bountiful holiness then I sincerely do not give a monkey’s butthole! The saying that blood is thicker than water is just a figment of people’s ulterior imagination. And we cannot be shitting on each other’s friendships in 2017. Not after what we have been through, not after becoming family; that shit cray.

However, this past weekend showed me how unloving this world is. It’s not just the one friend I lost but, all the others who used to consider me as a close friend and now just pass you by when walking on the streets. If you have ever done that to someone then shame on you. Such behaviour should be left on Facebook. And this is my advice to you; go outside and dig a hole; muster up as much saliva as you can, spit in that hole and as you cover the hole up say the following words:


I am a big fat turd!




Photo Credit: Sean Quinlan.


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