171+ Funny, Too Clever Short Jokes That Will Get You A Laugh!

I love funny short jokes, everyone does. Here the funniest “smart” jokes I think you enjoy.

Funny short jokes make you laugh out loud, most times uncontrollably. That is exactly the kind of jokes that we have for you. Dirty, clean and short jokes that will crack you up. Some might sound stupid and lame but within, you find the humor that you need.

Sure, it’s fun to share a good laugh. But did you know it can actually improve your health? “Laughter activates the body’s natural relaxation response. It’s like internal jogging, providing a good massage to all internal organs while also toning abdominal muscles,” says Dr. Gulshan Sethi, head of cardiothoracic surgery at the Tucson Medical Center and faculty at the University of Arizona’s Center for Integrative Medicine.

Laughter is strong medicine. It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. As children, we used to laugh hundreds of times a day, but as adults life tends to be more serious and laughter more infrequent. By seeking out more opportunities for humor and laughter, though, you can improve your emotional health, strengthen your relationships, find greater happiness—and even add years to your life.

These funny short jokes are guaranteed to make you crack a smile! Share them with others and brighten their day up a little, because laughter is the best medicine! For when you need a fast hilarious joke, here are my favorite short jokes to get anyone giggling.

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Also, funny movie quotes are sure to crack you up.

Funny Short Jokes

This is what happens when thousands of people come together and share their funniest short jokes. I will never forget some of these, and you better believe my friends are hearing them. So. Funny.

I’m really good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you.

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and…(pause)…… cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

How does the ocean say hello? It waves.

On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?” … “Yeah!” … “Are you hurt?” … “No!” … “Not a scratch? How come?!“ … “I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Summer wasn’t bad either.

The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.

What do you call a typo on a tombstone? A grave mistake.

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He’s now a seasoned veteran.

How come the barber won the race? The cheater took a short cut.

How do pigs do their homework? With a pigpen.

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Why is Peter sitting in the fridge? “The recipe said, rest in the fridge for 1 hour.”

What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”

How do you hire a horse? Put it on a ladder.

Looking at my face is like reading in the car. It’s all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick.

some of the funny short jokes of comedians

A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus.

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, “Make me one with everything.”

What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.

I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!

What’s the difference between my ex and the titanic? The titanic only went down on 1,000 people

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”

“This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.”

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There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.

What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

funny short jokes from Bill Cosby

A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, “Weeeeeooooouuuhhhh”. The next whale says, “Shut up, Steve. You’re drunk.”

How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

I hate Russian dolls…so full of themselves

What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s only got little legs.

“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!

Wanna hear a joke about Potassium? (whether they say ‘yes’ or ‘no’): K.

What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

Funniest Short Jokes Ever

A baby seal walks into a club.

What do kids play when their mom is using the phone? Bored games.

My grandad has the heart of a lion and a life time ban from the San Diego Zoo.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

hat do you call an ant who fights crime? A vigilANTe!

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.

Will the cat eat its meal without pulling a stunt? I am not a gymnast instructor, but I know the cartwheel.

I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.

Why did the bee get married? He found his honey.

Why are snails slow? Because they’re carrying a house on their back.

Did you hear the rumor about the butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it!

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up.

It takes a lot of balls to golf like me.

There is no doubt that funny birthday wishes will put a smile on someone’s face on their birthday.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.

There’s no “I” in Denial.

Can someone please shed more light on how my lamp got stolen?

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”.

What do dentists call X-rays?
Tooth pics.

Hear about the new restaurant called ‘Karma’? There’s no menu, you only get what you deserve.

What time do you go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty.

Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly.

What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”

What did the left eye say to the right eye?
“Between you and me, something smells.”

Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.

Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!

Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Two penguins walk into a bar… which is stupid because the second one should have seen it.

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
“Oh sheet!”

You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

Let funny nicknames will bring joy and help you show how much they mean to you.

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

Dry erase boards are remarkable.

What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador.

Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

I was wondering why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets…. then it hit me.

A man walks into a lawyer’s office and asks, “How much do you charge?”
The lawyer says, “$5,000 for three questions.”
“Wow, that’s pretty expensive, isn’t it?” The man asks.
“Yes,” says the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”

PMS should just be called ovary-acting.

Have I told you this deja vu joke before?

Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.

Learn sign language, it’s very handy.

I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.

Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.

Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be…

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

I didn’t know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.

Clever Short Jokes

What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.

What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse!

What is Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1.

Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.

What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking at me, I’m changing!

What do you call bears with no ears? B.

What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper!

Why do French people eat snails? They don’t like fast food!

What’s red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator!

I invented a new word today: Plagiarism.

What is sticky and brown? A stick!

How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it!

Rest in peace boiling water. You will be mist!

How do you throw a space party? You planet!

Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I hate Russian dolls… they’re so full of themselves!

Talk is cheap? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?

Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out!

Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw!

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

You can only get spoiled milk from a pampered cow.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick!

You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.

What are a shark’s two most favorite words? Man overboard!

If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.

It’s cleaning day so naturally, I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!

Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now.

Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.

What did one plate say to his friend? Tonight, dinner’s on me!

Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.

I tried to sure the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.

Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

I have many jokes about rich kids—sadly none of them work.

What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell!

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.

Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.

How do trees get online? They just log on!

Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s the whole sentence.

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Where does the sheep get his hair cut? The baa baa shop!

Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice!

I never make mistakes. …I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it!

What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt!

I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

“This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.”

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s only got little legs.

I was wondering, why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets… then it hit me.

“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.