Originally, this post was going to revolve around the story behind the following quote:

“It’s okay to be afraid, but never fear.”

But, as of yesterday, this quote applied to my life — yet again — in a very big way.

I dropped my Finite Math course yesterday because there was no longer any chance of me passing. This isn’t the first time it’s happened.

Back in high school freshman year, I was taking Algebra 2/Trignometry having barely passed the placement exam for it. I didn’t anticipate the class being so challenging, but I was too ashamed to say anything. My mum found out my grade by accident and scheduled a meeting with the teacher in which we came to the verdict that I should re-take Algebra I.

This time, I signed up for an introductory course to Finite Math because it fit with my schedule, complemented my Psychology major, and I studied Statistics for ~3 weeks back in high school. I failed the first quiz in this class and, yesterday, I found out I failed the midterm. I studied so much for the midterm and I thought I had it in the bag, but I didn’t.


That all being said, I still have faith. I received some college credit in high school which I believe can give me some leeway if I have to re-take the course or can’t catch up in summer.

Self-harm never crossed my mind once. It feels weird to even bring it up right now.

I didn’t shed a tear or lose my breath even once when I spoke to my parents. They’ll never know how miraculously difficult that was for me, but I know.

I’ve been through this before. I swallowed my pride, took a step back, and worked twice as hard as everyone else in my Algebra I class so I could build a foundation. I’ll do it again if necessary.


Am I afraid that I’m just not good enough? Of course, but there are reasons I’m good enough too.

Am I afraid that I’m going to have to give up some my hobbies and free time? Yes, but it’s only happening because what I’m doing is more important.

Am I afraid of the uncertainty that lies ahead in my future? Yes, but every great thing is a little scary at first. 

“It’s okay to be afraid, but never fear.”

~Live boundless.

P.S. If you liked what you read, let me know in the comments below, and don’t forget to check out my blog: https://confessionsofareborngirl.wordpress.com/ for more insights — sometimes philosophical, sometimes silly — on the American middle-class life.

Responses

  1. Robert E Cano II

    Courage is not the absence of fear, but the realization that we must accomplish something in spite of the fear. Fear can be crippling, but only if we lack the courage to press on.

    These things are tough pills to swallow, but we must persevere, regardless. Well said.

    Robert

  2. My Truth and Opinions

    fear of failing comes from feeling not good enough or being told over and over you cant do it. I have always struggled with math. I don’t know why it does not stick. maybe it was my early teacher that called me Miss so and so and brought unwelcome attention to me in school at a time I wanted so bad to disappear.

    In my 40s I went to a 6 weeks class to get my GED I was going through a divorce . After nineteen years of being told I was stupid because I didn’t know my times tables I was determined to show him and myself I was not stupid.

    I took a class in math that covered a little of everything. This time I wasn’t afraid to raise my hand. I was stronger less embarrassed. I didn’t care if I had to ask 20 times to do it again I was determined to show myself and my ex I was not stupid. Funny thing is I was smart I could out read, out think ,out pretty much out figure out more than he every could . it was just he was better at match.

    I scored high enough on my GED to get two years in college tuition free.

    I had to take business math 1 for my degree and I did it I almost drove me crazy but I received an American. Then I decided now I have to prove to myself I can do it so I took Business math two. Made an A and got student of the Year. I have never looked back or considered myself stupid again . oh and I still can’t memorize my multiplication tables. life is great though.

    1. theoriginalphoenix Post author

      I know how you feel thinking you’re not good enough to do advanced math. It’s a letdown but it’s even better when your prove to yourself that you’re worthy. I’m proud of you and I love your attitude! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment 🙂

  3. amileinmyshoes

    I’ve always been rubbish at numbers. I failed Maths at school and surprisingly passed a statistics course 15 years later when I felt able to tackle it. Concentrate on the things you’re good at and you can tackle the numbers later if you really need to. No shame in admitting defeat. In fact, it’s probably for the best so you can spend more time on hat you’re good at. You should be proud you never sought comfort in your old way.

    1. theoriginalphoenix Post author

      Yeah I’m considering taking a step back and taking an easier math class to prepare for this one and I may even do that a community college with a semester system so there’s a slower pace. Live and learn to forgive.

  4. ordinarilyextraordinarymom

    Beautiful post. I am glad you were able to see the silver lining in a quite nerve wracking situation, and you were able to reason through how to get through it all. The quote is amazing! Keep moving. Everything will fall into place as you go. XOXO

    1. theoriginalphoenix Post author

      Thank you for your kind words and support, my parents really came around today (they were understandably harsh at first) and we came up with a game plan! I’ll let you guys know the verdict if anyone is interested

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