There’s been a time at least once in our lives where we find ourselves questioning the nature of our personal beliefs and where does our faith stand. These types of questions may have risen in a time where you, your family, or society has faced hardship.
Maybe some of the questions that popped into your mind include-
“God (Or however you address god or gods, or whom/whatever) why are you doing this?”
“Life doesn’t want me to succeed, so why should I believe in anything?”
I should know, I asked these questions. In fact, I am going to be raw and honest with you guys- about a year ago I lost my faith and therefore the personal beliefs I had were fractured. I would ask those very questions everyday hoping that the answer I wanted would pop up and everything would be okay. They didn’t and it lead me to think I was not being heard and I deserved the pain.
I was miserable- not only losing faith with the religion I practiced made my outlook on life bleak, but made me view myself as a terrible person undeserving of anything good in the world. I even felt sick to the stomach at the thought of prayer or attending a sermon- I didn’t think my God wanted me there. I closed myself off to him and my life felt chaotic- it felt like every facet was going down the drain and I had nowhere and no one to go to.
My soul torch (just a dramatic way of saying my passion for life!), was dim and so close to completely going out. But, something amazing happened. I was waiting for the bus to take me into the city near my university, and there was this elderly lady (I know, very very cliché, but true)- her name was Irene. I’m kind of bummed I didn’t get her information after this, but as I was awkwardly waiting at the bus stop with her, we got to talking. Of course, we first started talking about trivial things at first (drapes to be exact) but as time went on it felt like Irene was a friend I knew for fifty plus years.
Of course, you can only tell strangers so much in a thirty-minute period before you have to catch your bus but something in me said “Go ahead tell her”. I did tell her some of the basic troubles I had faced and my frustration about why it happened to me. She looked at me for a bit and she said something that I will always remember- “What you want right now may not be what life is trying to say what you need”.
This stuck to me. It was that light bulb moment- the God I believe in was there with me always, I strayed from the path a bit because I wasn’t opening myself up to him and despite how many bad things had happened- God was there with me. Later that night, I was in my dorm alone and I decided I needed to have a nice, honest conversation with my God. I won’t go into detail about it, but I will say after I talked with God- many things in my mind felt clear.
So what does belief mean? I can’t tell you. I have my own views on it and I think everything eventually connects just in a way we can’t understand or see at the given moment. I do think from my experience you should give belief a try- I’m not going to tell you what or what not to believe, it’s up to you to figure out and come to your own conclusion about.
Belief in religion, scientific theories, or even yourself can help you move forward in life. There will be ups and downs we all face in life and the prospect of that is terrifying, but with just a smidge of faith that could ignite your personal beliefs it can help you move mountains- it took a me a year and a nice old lady to figure that out.
NOTE: This is based on my personal beliefs, we may not share the same views on it and that’s completely okay (it’s your opinion after all!). But regardless, of what you choose to believe in or not, I sincerely hope this post gave you perspective of some kind. Thank you for reading.