‘Topamax’ aka ‘Topiramate’ has been the latest addition to my tirade of diet plans. [Keyword: Plans] I constantly abuse myself very verbally by how I always fail any of these fads. I can barely stick to a diet so an actual plan cannot count as an existence.
That aside, I consulted with a new neurologist again a couple of days ago and she introduced this drug to try and combat the constant dizziness and daily vertigo attacks. It is primarily used as an anti-seizure medication, commonly used for the prevention of migraine headaches and also acts as an aid in weight loss for those suffering from obesity. Positive effects set in usually from 3 weeks onward and I was told to be patient. It helps desensitise the brain-nerve connection. The side effects however are insane. Feel free to Google it.
My hypersensitivity however, to every single damn thing begrudgingly welcomed the onset of the side effects from merely my first dose. That is, half of a 25mg tablet. Dizziness and blurry vision amplified, nausea. Day 2, too drowsy to wake. Felt like I was drugged. Face burning with no visual cues. Dizziness amplified further. Day 3, urine retention, dizziness out of hand etc.. Took myself off it. Giving up on seeing doctors anymore.
I’ll keep this post as short a read as possible. We’ve all heard of possession, but are we aware of oppression too and how subtly the devil seeps in? I’ve been under oppression for many years as confirmed by spiritually qualified people of the church. After the conversion camp I attended, my life has been a continuous landslide heading toward a land mine with the false impression that it was so much better in the beginning.
“The devil tortured them without having them in his possession. This is called obsession, that is, control from without.”
I’ve been trying to stay close to God throughout these rough years of clueless doctors and my dad’s hard earned cash spent faster than photosynthesis producing oxygen and let’s just say I’m sick of it. I’ve been spending less time in prayer with no will to draw close to God. The times that I do have the will, there always seems to be a blockage. I have been told to keep praying for deliverance as there is a blockage within me but no one has pinpointed a particular one. Maybe it was mainly from my occult dabbling and ghost hunting days in my adventurous teenage years with other incidents from my childhood.
I am pretty aware and definitely feel that this whole Topamax drama is one of the tricks from the devil. I have further details or evidence, in my words which will be too lengthy to share. With the frustration of yet another failed medication, my spirit has been drowning. I have been plagued with worse than usual nightmares and my childhood issues keep surfacing in my thoughts on replay throughout the day thus, stirring up very negative feelings which leads to very negative thoughts. The angry thoughts are still escalating. There are no good thoughts and I can’t seem to force one in no matter how hard I try. And all this I know because the devil is trying to knock me down again, because he is afraid that I’m reaching out for God. These patterns and cycles I’ve seen one too many times.
“Whenever he sees a virtuous or well-meaning soul whom God might use to accomplish something worthwhile , his hatred becomes inflamed and he tries every possible device to deprive that soul of her virtue and to make her incapable of doing good.”
I am not a ‘nice words’ person. I am straightforward with no frills and have always preferred it that way so I will say that the devil is a little shit. I am angry at him for being such an ass. Why can’t he just leave the human race alone? Just go back to God and stop doing this crap. On the other hand, why isn’t God helping me out? And why is he still allowing the devil to test me like this?
“He (devil) regards such souls as his own prizes of spoliation because he beclouds their heart thereby gradually making their return to the good morally impossible.”
I don’t know how long more this battle with sickness will go on but what I do know is that I am really, really pissed and the best side of me is leaving. The devil sure is fighting hard to have me. Now, I am just going to let this period ride over and try my best to pray more again, like I used too. To do my best to understand and trust God and his plans for me. After all, Jesus is the hero who died for the villains. For now, it’s GOD vs Devil and I for sure ain’t gonna let that little shit win. So get lost evil one, my God is going to heal me and you will see it with your own eyes.
*all quotes from book: ‘Mary Crushes The Serpent’
“For our fight is not with human enemies, but with the principalities and powers who originate the darkness in this world, the spiritual army of evil in the heavens.”
Be kind to one another,
Tweet me @Godvsdepression