Being Enough

I was reading an article about having concealed depression, it’s not really a surprise to me that I have most of the signs of it because I’ve felt pretty wobbly lately. I have insomnia fairly often, I eat a lot more than I’d care to, I put on mask to the world a lot of the time because I want to make people feel good not drag them down.

Recently, I wondered why heterosexual men and women are wired so differently when it comes to relationships. Do we want different things?  My partner dotes on me and does what he can to make me happy. It doesn’t stop the thoughts that I’m not enough for anyone, thoughts that have been with me since I was a teenager.

But I have decided to make this a positive post that I can refer to when I’m feeling sad and low in confidence. Below are 25 things that people have said to me that I remembered and recorded from the end of November 2016 onwards.

  1. I used to be pen pals with someone I met on holiday when I was 11, I found her on Facebook. We only met that when we were 11 and we’re both now in our early 30s so we don’t know each other very well but I wrote a post and she commented that I seem “lovely” and I’m “very talented”. She also said that I “inspired” her and to “stop putting myself down”. I loved this message from someone who is on the outside looking. A perspective from someone who doesn’t know the ins and outs of my life and doesn’t have to say these things to me but felt compelled to.
  2. I made some brownie cookies and my boyfriend said that they were “amazing”.
  3. My boyfriend told me that he could only respect someone “so beautiful body, mind and soul”.
  4. I dyed my hair and my manager said it looked nice and a blog I wrote for them was “lovely”. I had to learn a bit of sign language whilst I was there and I was told that I was picking it up quickly.
  5. I went for an interview in December last year and the feedback was that they liked my personality and thought I had great skills to do the job (I was offered it)..
  6. At Christmas I wore some sparkly makeup and a girl in a shop said I looked “really pretty”
  7. I got a job one hour after being interviewed and was asked to become permanent after a couple months working for them temporarily. My manager actually said “we don’t wanna lose you, we think you’re fantastic”.
  8. During this aforementioned job I felt quite anxious at the start as I only had a week to learn from my mentor before he left. Despite this I was called strong by a friend and I got told I’m doing very well at work. On his last day my mentor said that he thought I would “smash it”.
  9. I was told that my cover of “Sea of Love” was beautiful. On the same day my blog was shared by my friend and she said it was “relatable” and “down to earth”.
  10. A friend said I don’t appreciate how “pretty and lovely” I am.
  11. A photographer said I was photogenic and had model potential.
  12. My boyfriend said I have perfect face, really pretty eyes and skin, pretty hair and pretty other things.
  13. My friend said I was strong and beautiful inside out after I did a modelling shoot which I initially didn’t feel like doing.
  14. I recall a guy on a placement for company I was doing saying that I was “very pretty” and I “should be a model” and had “lovely brown eyes”.
  15. The manager of the placement said I was “intelligent and capable”.
  16. I got told by a professional photographer that I have the “goods” to be a face/makeup model.
  17. A barista called me beautiful. Also, walking along eating a panini with a snotty nose from having a cold I got called beautiful by a random man.
  18. A colleague said I took to a job “like a duck to water”.
  19. Another colleague said I was “really lovely” “kind” and “helpful”
  20. A lady who worked in the canteen at work said I looked “stunning” when I wore a nice dress to work.
  21. I was told by a colleague that I hid my anxiety really well and they didn’t have a clue.
  22. On a post I did about body confidence as a ethnic minority woman three friends commented, one said I was strong, wonderful and beautiful, another called me beautiful and the other called me “hot as hell” and inspirational.
  23. I went out to a nightclub with my boyfriend and in the toilet as I washed my hands a girl said I was “really pretty” and that “in the modern world, everyone spends ages on their hair but mine was so naturally pretty.” Then I turned around smiling and three girls all said “you are really pretty”.
  24. A new friend told me “no one has understood me like you” and I’m so happy to find a friend like you.
  25. Someone wrote on a video of me singing and playing the guitar this “is awesomeness”. A guy I went to college with wants to start a band with him because I was the first person he thought of as a lead singer.

There’s the evidence that I’m worth more than I think. This weekend I got asked to audition for a paid part in Aladdin, I have some modelling shoots coming up, I feel comfortable living with my boyfriend despite many issues with the flat and I have other prospects in the pipeline. I’m working towards the life I want and trying to build up the confidence in myself. So, say it with me, I am enough, I’m more than enough.

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